Messy Can't Stop Her

Iyaiya Thomas Ofem tells us how One Cheerleader changed her life

November 16, 2022 Judith Kambia Obatusa (JKO) Season 2 Episode 31
Messy Can't Stop Her
Iyaiya Thomas Ofem tells us how One Cheerleader changed her life
Show Notes Transcript

All we need is one cheerleader to tell us we can, and then support us until we see that we can. 

In this concluding episode, Iyaiya Thomas Ofem tells us how she met a mentor whose encouragement changed her story from fulltime housewife to a women’s empowerment changemaker.

Nuggets of wisdom in this episode

Respect and honour everyone you meet on your way, you never know who has been placed on your path to help you.

Humility has rewards.

Many times, the favours we do for others returns as a favour for ourselves.

Always be willing to learn.

All things work together for our good. Not only great, happy things, some sad, terrible things

Until you have learnt your lesson from that experience, it will keep repeating itself.

Wherever you are, you can start with what you have.

You are enough to make a difference.

Once you can change your mindset and believe in yourself, you will achieve whatever you want to achieve.


To support Iya’s work, visit Evolve360 Woman Initiative on Facebook and Instagram and 2401Crafts on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram.

You can listen to last week’s episode, A Life of Sacrifice, for part one of Iya's journey from a full time housewife to a women's empowerment changemaker.

Thank you so much for listening!

Join the Messy Can't Stop Her Sisterhood at https://www.facebook.com/groups/3204395256540448/

If you would love to share your story on the #MessyCantStopHer podcast, click here to let me know.

Thank you so much for listening.

Music Credit: https://indiefy.me/wanted-carter

Iya:        What I will add is that throughout my self development journey, at every point in time God had placed older women, God had placed older women or men that would say a word and then when I sit down to think about the conversations I've had with them, that word would be something that I would have to run with. And then she helped me. She told me, any project you want to do, I'm here. I'll follow you up with it. So that's how I started. I was PTA Secretary running the school sporting activities and the rest, and then running as a president too. And then the first thing, I think, after two meetings, they asked me, she was the one that asked me, what's your project for this year? I didn’t know there usually be a project I looked at her, I was blank. And then she said, you don't have any project. You have not thought about anything. I said, no. I said, no. This organization at least once a year We assist people. Your role is to guide us on what to do. Forget about how you're going to raise the money. Just tell us what you need us to do, and we work with you. I said, okay. I told them just give me time to think about it. So that week I think I visited her and she made a statement. She told me, I'm going to see an organization who will come with me? I said, okay. No problem. I'll drive behind you because I have to go back home from there. So we drove. And then, this organization is an organization for physically challenged people. When we were there, they needed a bore hole. They needed wheelchairs and then she brought some blankets for them. She donated some blankets to them. And so Malawi usually has a period of winter from I think is it ending of March or July, September, so it’s usually a very cold period. So she donated blankets and then she made a statement and said do you know that there are women in this community that don't have blankets when it's winter? I said how? She said, Because they are so poor, they only have one wrapper. When their husband dies, they use those wrappers to bury the men. And so these women sleep without blankets. I looked at her, I said I said, what did you say? She repeated herself. I said, okay, we finished from that organization and I went home I couldn’t sleep again. I was wondering, in Nigeria, there's no body in my village that is so poor that they cannot afford a wrapper for themselves. I said, the whole day I was restless after I came back. And then the next meeting I told them we’ll raise money for blankets. So that was how we started the blanket drive. We had a target of 500, to raise money for 500 blankets. But on the long run, we were able to raise 300 and that's what we distributed for that year. So that was my project. And then immediately I told them that that was my project. Another lady came and said, somebody sent me some money from the US in case we are doing any project. What can we do with the money? I said, okay, we can construct a bore hole for people. If I say I knew how money came part of the money, I don't think I do because we had a dinner where we raised funds. And then a lot of Malawians donated money. A lot of people donated blankets, even some schools donated blankets for our project. And from there, that's when I knew that there's something I could do with my life. Again. Even though I was a housewife, it didn't have to end there. There was something I could still do. (JKO: And you were still a housewife) That gave me the push and the confidence back. That's when I had my confidence back despite the fact that I was a housewife, I could achieve whatever I wanted to achieve and stop using my family as an excuse. Stop blaming my husband for always having new jobs in a new location. And then I think at that point in time I took responsibility for myself. I decided to stop blaming everybody because I came to the realization that even if he had told us to move and I refused to move, nothing could have happened. He couldn't have done anything. Maybe he could have said okay maybe I’ll be visiting from so so time to so so time, but I discovered that I didn't have to blame him for anything. It was my decision, it was my choice to follow him. So there wasn't any point regretting. It was at that point I accepted responsibility for my life because I had the clarity that it was my decision to make. I made the decision to follow him every time he got a new job. So there was no need blaming him or even regretting the decisions. I think that gave me clarity. And then the fact that even though am a housewife I can do anything I want to do, nothing stops me. I was the only one stopping myself. 

JKO:       This is so cool. The thing about this story is that you showed up, you were willing to go to do stuff to help. I was talking with someone yesterday and I mentioned this thing about many times we think we're doing people a favor, but we're not actually doing the favor for the people, we're doing the favor for ourselves. When the lady asked you, Give me a ride, even though you were asking yourself all these questions, why does she want a ride? How do I have this relationship? You still said yes. And because you said yes to her to help her, you opened the door for your own progress. In this life, Being good is not a bad thing. I was reading about the fact that recently they're saying that people who are very nice, they don't get ahead in life. Because in this culture now, you can see people who talk anyhow to people. They are the ones people are listening to, they are the ones on social media talking all kinds of things. And those who say good things, you see them being attacked. You see? But the question I was asking myself, and I was just thinking about it this morning, was that you cannot become what people are celebrating even when it's not who you are. So when we talk about finding ourselves is living in our own truth, being authentic with our lives, meaning that my values will not change because I am now among women or men who think differently. So where I go and you are not allowing me to be in my element, to live my values, I don't have to be there. And another thing about your story is the power of one person who sees good in you and wants to help bring out that good in you. You walked into that meeting, you didn't know anybody, and that woman just saw you and just wanted you to be her protege. You didn't go in there say, oh, I'm looking with a microscope for a mentor. (Iya: No.) But because you respected her. Maybe when you walked in, you already had somewhere you really wanted to sit. But then she said, you respected her. (Iya: I wanted to sit with the person that invited me.) But you respected that woman and all the opportunity. And when you went with her, she went to donate her blanket to this organization, not to an individual. (Iya: No.) It was in the conversation you guys were having that she mentioned these women and that was what God had. That was the main reason for that day’s event, that day's outing, it was for God to plant that seed, for that seed to be planted in your heart. Because you said you could not sleep, really, but I’ve not seen this level of poverty before. This is what you're talking about, and you could not rest. (Iya: Yeah.) So in the course of our lives, we may think that our lives are not okay. But I want to encourage everyone that's listening to this podcast today. Just keep showing up, keep being good, keep honoring other people, keep respecting those you meet on your way. You do not know who will open the door for your destiny. Look what happened to Iya. Look at how she gained her confidence back through service. You eventually have relocated to Nigeria after all the things you did, built this community in Malawi. You have all these women now that are part of the people You know, your contact has expanded, and now you're back in Nigeria with all these knowledge, all the years, you would have loved to stay in Nigeria in your corner. You were grumbling and following your husband. Grumbling and following him but you followed him. It’s because you followed him that you had all these experiences that we're sharing now. And when you got back to Nigeria, it wasn't the Iya that left Nigeria that came back. When did you start 2401Craft?

Iya:        I started it in Malawi. The zone where I get a lot of peace and quiet is when I'm doing something with my hands. You see that I'm beading, either am on my sewing machine to amend stuff. So that's the distraction for me. That's what distracts me from my head. Okay, I think 2016 I got a sewing machine that I used for amending the children’s clothes in case it gets torn or I didn’t want to replace. And then after that, in 2017, we visited Nigeria for something. And then when I was going back, I carried all my beading materials, bought more, and then I bought some fabrics and I discovered that most of the people in my circle wanted things from Nigeria. They wanted the wrappers, they wanted the necklaces, they wanted the head gear. So when I visited, I brought back most of those things. And then I started selling in my circle. And then they were asking for more. That's how I got into production. The name came about the fact that I just said, now that I know who I am, now that my vision is becoming clearer, why not use my birthday? So I just used my birthday, which is 24th, and the birth month, which is 1st of January. That's how the 2401 came about. Then I started, I started beading. And then going through Facebook, I discovered that, because that's the only way you keep in touch with Nigeria, What's happening in Nigeria. I discovered that the in thing was the turbans, people had started making turbans, and it was not in Malawi. That's how I went to YouTube and learnt how to do it. That's how I started producing turbans and then I started taking some online courses. I paid for some online courses done by some Nigerians. That's how I perfected the making of the Turbans. 

JKO:       So you never stopped learning? You never stopped looking to learn? (Iya: No.) So no matter your situation, always be willing to learn. Don't stop yourself from learning. For someone like me, one of the things I do is every time I have a situation that has gone sideways, I learn something from inside that situation. I just don't want it to be a waste. Like somebody, somebody treats me in a particular way, I think about it. Before I used to think about it in a negative way and I’ll be sad and very sad. But now I think about it, I'm like, you know, in Nigeria there's a saying that if you chase a slave too much, you will chase the slave into a Good House. If you think because I'm a slave, I have no one who can support me, who can fight for me, you now treat me badly, you throw me out. You keep trying. They keep trying to slave until the slave will find a good owner. So sometimes the things that are bad, they look bad, they are not bad. And actually, as a Christian, there's a scripture that says that all things work together for our good. I think it's Romans 8:28, all things work together for our good. Not only great, happy things, some sad, terrible things. Oh my God, Iya, your husband has done it again. You have to move again?!

Iya:        In this journey that I took or am still taking, I discovered that for everything that happens, just like you said, if you don't learn a lesson from me, it repeats itself, it becomes a circle. Until you have learnt your lesson from that experience, it will keep repeating itself. That's what I discovered. I don't have any scientific proof. But I know is what happens in my life. Every time something happens and I don't learn from it, it repeats itself again. Now, for every experience I have, I take my lessons and try not to repeat those mistakes or those decisions again. 

JKO:       Okay, so you now came back 2401Crafts was working and then how did you start the Evolve 360 Women Initiative? How did it come about?

Iya:        For Evolve 360 I wasn't in Nigeria when I started it. We were still in Malawi. Okay. I had traveled to, I think I was in Seattle then. In the hotel where we were. It was a shared living. So when you want breakfast, breakfast is provided, but you have to come to the restaurant or the kitchen or refectory or whatever it's called. You prepare your breakfast yourself. Okay, I usually come down for breakfast and lunch we go and look for where to eat. It was I think a five day trip. The first two days I came back, I was lying on the bed and then the thought just occurred to me. In this place where you are. A lot of women have helped you. Why not start off something that at least use the stories of other women to show other women that no matter the situation, they find themselves, they can still succeed at life. Why not share your story? Okay, if you don't want to share your story, why not help another woman see things differently? So that was a thought that was going in my head that day. And then I have a book, a hard cover. I've even doubled two. It's not finished. The leaves are not finished. I've not finished writing on it, but I still double them. I usually process my thoughts through writing. I usually write when I'm sad, when I'm happy, I write. And then I started writing the aims, the objectives, how it's supposed to run. And then I wasn't in Nigeria, I was in Malawi. I didn't know how it was going to work out. So I called my sister in law and I told her, this is what I'm thinking. I have had this thought for a long time. I didn't think of sharing with anybody because I never shared anything with anybody. And then I called her and she said, Why not? Don't worry. She said don't worry. I can organize it. I can take care of it. Just tell me what to do. I said okay. But she asked me if I'll be around that period. I said yes. And so I think I came in a week before the event. She had mobilized people. She had done everything. All I needed to do was just to be present. So that's how you started.

JKO:       That's so good. And now you're impacting all these lives. I was so intrigued. And you started Evolve 360 Woman Initiative a few months to the pandemic. How courageous of you. And then you kept on even you did 2020 in the pandemic. So that's so good. I noticed that the first Evolve 360 Woman Initiative, you had 96 women and six men. Tell us about that. 

Iya:        Because it was something new. I had used, I think, for two months. I was on social media putting up Flyers about it. Most people headed to Facebook, and then my sister in law had sent out letters to some organizations in the village. And then there were people that were inbox telling me that they want to participate. Facebook, Instagram, and then word of mouth. 

JKO:       So how did men get involved? 

Iya:        One of the award recipients was not from my village, but she was from my local government. She was a military personell and the men were her security details. So they sat inside till the event finished. 

JKO:       That's so cool. You normally have Evolve. 360 Woman Initiative, You have it every year around August, September…

Iya:        August. 

JKO:       Okay, so you have it in August. What does Evolve 360 Woman do, apart from the conferences? Could you give us just a snippet of some of those lives that you've impacted from the numbers that you kind of shared with me? When we were talking before the podcast, I noticed something. In 2019, you had more of women and 2020 you had more of adolescents. Is there maybe you want to share a little bit, just a little bit about that, why that shift?

Iya:        The idea for Evolve 360 was for women from 18 to about 45. That was our target at that point in time. And what we had in mind was talking about gender based violence, sexually transmitted disease, condom use and then effective communication. But then we discovered that there were people within our community that had businesses that weren't really growing because they had no one to talk to them about financial management. And then most of them feed from those businesses that sometimes they might need a little push to improve the business. So in the process of talking to people, getting, will I say, a needs assessment before the conference, that's when we discovered that giving out some money to these women is going to help them. So we decided that we’ll pick women that we know are struggling in business. So we have experts, people that are experts in financial management that are from my community because they need to speak my language so that these women understand. So these people are the ones that talk to these women about financial management, teach them how to manage resources, how to differentiate between their capital, profit and then all the little things about succeeding as a small business owner. So that's what we added aside the conferences. And then the youngest discovered that most of them were in homes, that they couldn't talk to their parents. No matter what happens to them, they can't talk to anybody because one they are shy. Two they weren't brought up to talk about their problems. So we have some volunteers that talk to these young girls, okay? So if a young girl has a problem because most of them are sexually harassed just because they are girls. So if they think that somebody is giving them undue attention that they don't like, we have volunteers that they can talk to without disclosing anybody's identity. So these volunteers help them to be is it articulate? Or help them to be outspoken so that they know that if somebody does something you know is wrong, no matter the person's age, you should be able to tell them that what they are doing is wrong and you're going to report them to the authorities. So that's what we have done with the young girls. In 2020 because of COVID So we decided that for the older women we might not be able to manage them because some of them are older than us. And then they’ll come in with that mentality and older than you? What can you tell me? So we decided to have a workshop for adolescents. So in that workshop we talked about financial management, we spoke to about gender based violence. We had a pre assessment of what they wanted. And then after the workshop we asked them also what their anticipation? And then we discovered that most of them needed finances, some of them have learned skills that they didn't have resources to start the businesses. That's why we decided that, okay, if you can use this amount to start up a small scale business for yourself as a young person.

JKO:       That’s what you did in 2020. You did  female empowerment, basically you helped them build their self esteem. Self esteem building confidence, building workshops. You did a lot of that to help the young girls that were being harassed. It's not just for the conference. These volunteers in this community throughout the year and this is ongoing. If somebody wanted to support the work that you do, how can they reach you?

Iya:        Evolve360 is on Instagram as Evolve360 Woman and then on Facebook, it has a page Evolve 360 Woman Initiative. The reason for the woman is the fact that our target is not every woman. If at the end of the day, it's just one woman that achieves something, we know that whatever she achieves is going to trigger (trickle) down to other women. Because if she's able to gain her confidence, have a clarification of what she wants about her life, she can be able to influence other women. That's why we have the woman day. 

JKO:       So it's Evolve360 Woman. And that's why you now you are an Evolve360 woman and you're one woman. Look at you now. You're impacting all these lives. So if you're a woman out there. You are enough. You don't need to be plenty of women to make a difference. And if you don't have a day job, you're not going out to go and work in an office or business. It doesn't mean that you're not doing something. Wherever we are, we can start with what we've got. So thank you so much. Evolve360 woman details will be in the show notes and you can reach Iya Thomas Ofem. You can reach her through Facebook messenger on Evolve360 Woman Initiative page or IG. You can DM her on Instagram on the Evolve360 woman Instagram page. So before you go, if you wanted to talk to one woman out there, 

Iya:        What I usually tell every woman I come in contact with, I always tell them they are enough. I say you are enough as a woman. You are enough as a wife, as a daughter, as a sister, as a friend. If you want to change, change because you have to, not because somebody wants you to change. Because sometimes people project what they want on you, but that's not who you are. And also the fact that whatever you want to achieve, you can achieve it. It's all a mindset. Once you can change your mindset and believe in yourself that you can achieve it, you will achieve whatever you want to achieve. Because sometimes it's not about money. Like you said from the beginning. What do you want? Who is in your corner? Who is that voice that speaks to you and you listen? And how intuitive are you? Because sometimes people might be talking and your thoughts are all over the place. But if you're intuitive, somebody says something and you pick a word from what the person has said. That's what I tell women. 

JKO:       That's so good. 

Iya:        No woman needs to compete. You don't need to compete with anybody. If somebody needs something you feel you should achieve, reach out to the person and let them teach you. It’s either a yes or a no? That's what I tell my daughters. Always learn to ask. Learn to ask, it's either a yes or a no. And even if it's a no, it's not about you. It's their decision. It's about them. It's not about you. It's not about your person. It's the fact that they have decided that this is not what I want to share with you. So always ask. 

JKO:       So good. So if you're a listener to this podcast and you are in that place where you don't know what to do, can see from Iya’s story, she may not have known what to do from beginning, but she didn't stop herself from being there for others. She still went out. Went to those PTA, Parent Teachers Association meetings. In some other places they call them parent council, parent advisory council. So just don't stop showing up. Don't give up on yourself. And like she said, if you don't know if you have no, maybe all around you, those who are speaking are not speaking positive, they are speaking negative. You can go online and hear someone speaking positive. And though Evolve360 Woman Initiative is currently working in Nigeria, you can reach out to Iya and she has a lot of experience. She may be able, I know not may, She will be able to give you a word or two that can make a difference. We all need someone who is speaking into our lives, who is speaking positively into our lives, who is telling us we can when we are not too sure about it. It makes a whole lot of difference. And I want to thank you, Iya, for coming on this podcast today to tell us your story and also share the great work you're doing. Please, I'm looking forward to another time with you in the future. But for now, if you listen to this podcast, thank you for listening to the messy can't stop her podcast. Messy couldn't stop Iya. Messy can’t stop you, too. 

Iya:        Yea, Messy can’t stop you. Thank you for having me.