Last week on Messy Can’t Stop Her, we talked about living your life with legacy in mind even when struggling or suffering in the trenches of life.
The question that came from that is what if I want to do something but I feel like people like me should not be talking? That is a real question because that is a thought that someone in the trenches would have because they fear being criticized or judged.
If I have had two divorces, people like me should not be talking about how to have a good marriage? If my children are struggling in their own trenches, people like me should not be talking about showing love to your children. Could it be that you’ll be judged for having failed and not having anything of value to share with those who want to succeed?
What if by reason of having had difficulties in those areas, you have learnt tips to help others succeed in them? Should you now live life as less than because you struggled in those areas? I strongly believe that everyone has something valuable to offer, and that includes you.
When you hear the thought "people like me should not be talking" and you want to do or say something that will help others, it's important to recognize that this is just a negative thought that can hold you back from taking action towards your goals. This is self doubt and some call this imposter syndrome.
At this point, you may be saying, yes I know but what can I do to overcome this thought?
I looked at my life and the lives of some other women and these are some of the steps you can take if you’re in that position where you feel like the mess in your life or your past is too much for you to share any value with others or the world around you.
1. Challenge the thought: Ask yourself why you think people like you should not be talking. Is it based on a fear of being judged or criticized? Is it based on past experiences where you felt rejected or ignored? By identifying the root of this negative thought, you can start to challenge it and reframe it in a more positive way.
2. Focus on your strengths: Instead of dwelling on your weaknesses or limitations, focus on your strengths and what you can bring to the table. What unique skills or perspectives do you have that can benefit others? By focusing on your strengths, you can build confidence in yourself and your abilities.
3. Seek support: It can be helpful to seek support from others who believe in you and your goals. This could be a friend, family member, mentor, or even a support group. By surrounding yourself with positive and supportive people, you can gain the encouragement and motivation you need to move forward.
4. Take action: Finally, the best way to overcome the thought "people like me should not be talking" is to take action towards your goals. Start small, but take consistent steps towards your goal, and celebrate each small win along the way. As you gain momentum, you'll find that your confidence and belief in yourself will grow, making it easier to push past any negative thoughts or doubts.
For individuals who feel like "people like them should not be talking," creative expression can be a powerful tool to break through self-doubt and make a lasting impact on the world. Here are some ways individuals can use different forms of creative expression to leave a legacy:
Art: Visual art, such as painting or sculpture, can be used to communicate ideas and emotions in a way that words cannot. By creating art that reflects their unique experiences and perspectives, individuals can leave a visual legacy that inspires others to think differently and challenge societal norms.
Music: Music has the power to evoke emotions and connect people on a deep level. Through songwriting and performance, individuals can use music to express their thoughts and feelings, and create a lasting impact on listeners.
Writing: Writing is a powerful form of creative expression that can be used to share ideas, stories, and experiences with the world. Whether through poetry, fiction, or non-fiction, individuals can use writing to leave a legacy that challenges societal norms and inspires others to think differently.
Other forms of creative expression: There are many other forms of creative expression that individuals can use to make a lasting impact on the world, such as dance, theater, or film. By sharing their unique perspectives and experiences through these mediums, individuals can leave a legacy that inspires and empowers others.
Just so you know, many women who we admire in the public space used to be us. They used to have a mess of a life, in fact they started some of the works which made them a success while their lives were a mess. In fact, their works saved them from the mess.
So that this won’t be just the impassioned monologue of JKO, I researched some backstories of successful women in the public space:
JK Rowling - The author of the Harry Potter series faced domestic abuse during her first marriage. She used her writing to escape from her difficult situation. In fact, she had to hide the manuscript of the first book in the series from her then husband because she was afraid that he will burn it. He eventually got hold of it and seized it. When she found it, she started stealing pages to photocopy at work so that she could have another copy. During this time she was also pregnant. Can you imagine the level of stress she endured during that time? Her failed marriage caused her so much misery that she suffered clinical depression and she went as far as to contemplate suicide. She then moved to live near her sister in Scotland. To get a job as an English teacher she went back to school for a post graduate certificate while living on welfare. The first novel in the series was written in several Scottish cafes and she could only write when her baby was asleep. The journey was not easy but she was single minded. Today she’s gone on to become one of the most successful authors in history
Mary J. Blige - The Grammy-winning singer-songwriter faced abuse and addiction during her marriage. Her mum was an alcoholic and her dad was a war veteran suffering from PTSD, some of her childhood was in the projects, according to her “I never saw a woman there who wasn’t abused”. There she endured sexual assaults from the people her mother left her and her siblings with to go to work. Became addicted to sex and drugs at 16. Still doing these deeds but singing all the way, she finally got her chance and she used it. She overcame these challenges and used her music to inspire others while continuing to advocate for social justice. Mary J. Blige said when she sang, she forgot the pain. What do you do to forget the pain, the mess?
Maya Angelou - The poet and writer faced numerous challenges in her life, including a difficult marriage and a traumatic childhood. Was raped at the age of 5 or so. Her one and only brother became a drug addict and struggled with addiction for most of his life. Her only child lost the use of his legs in his teens. The discrimination and hardships that she faced, became fodder for her work. She went on to become a prolific writer and activist, inspiring generations of people around the world.
Lucille Ball - The actress and comedian faced personal and professional setbacks before launching her successful television show, I Love Lucy. She also founded her own production company, which helped to pave the way for more women in the entertainment industry. She lost her father early, a traumatic childhood, a drama teacher who told her she, in her mid teens that she was not good enough to pursue acting, difficult marriage with alcoholism and infidelity and miscarriages, a child that became an addict, professional rejections
Ultimately, the key to using creative expression to make a lasting impact is to believe in oneself and the power of their ideas. Even when self-doubt creeps in and makes you feel like "people like you should not be talking," it's important to remember that everyone has something valuable to offer. By using your unique talents and perspectives to create something meaningful, you can leave a legacy that inspires and empowers others for years to come.
Am going to end this episode with something Mary J. Blige said in a June 2021 interview with Vogue, “We’re healing each other; we’re always sending energy back and forth that’s helping us to grow,” she says. “I’m not going to let anyone take away my strength or my joy again.” She hopes to continue making music that resonates. “I just want people to know that, when you think you’re alone, you’re not alone,” she says. “We soldiers out here.”
When you remind yourself that your strength and joy cannot be taken away by any person or situation, messy won’t stop you.