Messy Can't Stop Her

Empowering Women in Difficult Situations: An Update on Messy Can’t Stop Her’s Mission

March 30, 2023 Judith Kambia Obatusa (JKO) Episode 56
Messy Can't Stop Her
Empowering Women in Difficult Situations: An Update on Messy Can’t Stop Her’s Mission
Show Notes Transcript

On this episode, we discuss a topic that is both important and relevant - why women in abusive or difficult situations need to be empowered even when not able to leave. We acknowledge that leaving an abusive or difficult situation is not always an option and discuss some of the factors that make a woman stay. Our mission is to raise awareness, provide resources, and offer support to those who may be struggling.

Key points:

Why leaving an abusive or difficult situation may not always be possible

Some Statistics on domestic violence and the prevalence of abusive situations

Why Messy Can’t Stop Her is focusing on empowering women who are in abusive or difficult situations that they can't leave

References in this episode
Most Common, Least Believed: Emotional Abuse, Signs, Impact and How to Help
A Letter to My Darling Husband

Join the Messy Can't Stop Her Sisterhood at https://www.facebook.com/groups/3204395256540448/

If you would love to share your story on the #MessyCantStopHer podcast, click here to let me know.

Thank you so much for listening.

Music Credit: https://indiefy.me/wanted-carter

Welcome to this episode of Messy Can’t Stop Her, I am your host, Judith Kambia Obatusa – JKO.

On today's episode, we're going to be sharing an update on why empowering women who are in abusive or difficult situations is so important to Messy Can’t Stop Her.

This topic is not just important to us, it is also relevant to our world because as the saying goes, the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world. Also, as I say, if the man is the head, the woman is the neck and if the neck is in pain, the head will also suffer. 

Abusing or making life difficult for women affects everyone.

According to the World Health Organization, one in three women worldwide have experienced physical or sexual violence in their lifetime, often at the hands of a partner or family member. These numbers though staggering are conservative when compared to the incidence of emotional abuse, which is the most prevalent form of abuse. This is also the least unreported because there are no visible scars to show. Research shows that between 50 to 80% of adults experience emotional abuse in their lifetime. If you’d like to learn more about emotional abuse, I will put a link to a previous episode about it in the show notes. It's important to acknowledge that many people are facing abusive or difficult situations that they may feel trapped in. 

So why are we focusing on women who are in abusive or difficult situations that they can't leave? 

First and foremost, it's important to recognize that leaving an abusive situation is not always easy or straightforward. While leaving an abusive situation may seem like the obvious solution, the reality is that it's not always safe or feasible. In fact, research suggests that leaving an abusive relationship can be a complex and difficult process, and that many women may feel trapped or unable to leave due to a range of factors.

For example, financial limitations. A study by the National Domestic Violence Hotline found that 78% of women who experience abuse in their intimate relationships report financial abuse, which can leave them feeling financially dependent on their abuser and make it difficult to leave. As one survivor shared, "It's like a slow drip of taking away my ability to be independent."

Another factor is concern for their children. People have left only to find life much worse because the children are reacting to the lower standard of living or just the breakup of their family. Many times, the woman is figuring out her new situation and this added stress makes life much much harder. As you may know if you are in the west, children rule the roost and this could have long term consequences on the family.

Another thing is lack of support from family or the community. Despite the amplified conversation about abuse, there is still a stigma associated with it. If you are an immigrant with no family ties, then you now need to rely on strangers who may have their own biases and all of that. In the west, teachers can begin to diagnose your child and if your are happen to be Black, the issues could get much worse. Another issue could be the emotional condition of the woman. 

In extreme cases, fear for her safety and that of her children can be another challenge. In these cases, abusers will use threats or violence to keep their victims from leaving or speaking out. As one survivor shared, "He would say things like, 'If you leave, I'll find you,' and I believed him." This kind of fear can be paralyzing, and it's important to recognize that leaving an abusive situation is not always as simple as just walking out the door.

However, this does not mean that there is nothing that can be done to help. Women who are in abusive or difficult situations can still be empowered to take action, protect themselves, and seek support. Empowering these women is crucial for their safety and well-being.

Like the author and activist Audre Lorde said, "I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own." Empowering women, even when they are unable to leave abusive situations, is not just a matter of individual freedom, but a collective responsibility to fight for justice and equality.

Messy Can’t Stop Her is joining this fight to provide education, awareness, community support, and talking with or talking about real-life examples of empowerment. With these, we hope that women in these situations can find the strength and courage to take action and overcome the challenges they face. 

We want you to be empowered and inspired to take control of your life, no matter what obstacles you face because we know from the stories of the women who come on the podcast, that messy can’t stop you!

Our mission is to offer a helping hand using a 5-pronged strategy.

1.      Share Inspiring Stories: We share the stories of women who have overcome messy or difficult situations in their lives and refused to be stopped by them. By hearing from women who have faced and overcome obstacles, women in these situations can gain inspiration, find the strength and courage to take action and  be motivated to overcome the challenges they face to pursue their own goals.

2.      Provide Information: We provide access to expert insights and practical tips on a wide range of topics, help women make informed decisions and take action in their lives. These include health and wellness, career development, financial literacy and so on, anything that will help a sister step up to the podium of her life. 

3.      Provide a Platform for Advocacy: We raise awareness and advocate for issues affecting women by featuring experts and activists working on them. We want to support the work of others and also help spark conversation and action around important issues.

4.      Amplify Diverse Voices: We amplify the voices of women from diverse backgrounds and perspectives. By featuring women with different experiences, cultures, and identities, we want to help create a more inclusive and representative conversation around issues affecting women.

5.      Create a Sense of Community: We provide women with a sense of community and connection, by creating a space where women can feel a sense of belonging and support.

Regarding creating a community, we now have the Messy Can’t Stop Her Sisterhood on Facebook. An African proverb says that "If you want to go fast, go alone; but if you want to go far, go together." We believe that by working together and supporting one another, women can overcome challenges and achieve their goals, no matter what obstacles they may face. So the Messy Can’t Stop Her sisterhood on Facebook:

Provides a Safe and Supportive Space for women to connect with one another, share their experiences, and offer support and advice. Because it is a private group, members can feel more comfortable sharing personal information and seeking help without fear of judgment or retaliation.

It’s also a space where all of us can share information and resources on a range of topics related to women's empowerment and support, including legal rights, counseling services, and community resources. Members can also share their own experiences and advice to help others in similar situations.

The aim of this Sisterhood is to foster a sense of community and connection among members. By sharing their experiences and supporting one another, members can feel less isolated and more empowered to take control of their lives.

The aim of Messy Can’t Stop Her Podcast & Sisterhood is to create a sense of community and connection among every woman listening by encouraging them to share their own stories and experiences, and by providing resources and support for women facing similar challenges.

It's important to remember that no one deserves to be in an abusive or difficult situation. Every woman deserves to feel safe and supported. By focusing on women who may be in abusive or difficult situation, we hope to raise awareness, provide resources, and offer support to those who may be struggling.

Next week, we will be looking at ways in which we – you and I – can help a woman who is in an abusive or difficult situation but is unable to leave.

If you’re a sister in the trenches, I want you to know that this too shall pass. Your positive change is just around the corner. Please keep hope alive. If you do this, Messy Won’t Stop you. 

Thank you so much for listening. See you next time!