Welcome to this episode of Messy Can’t Stop Her. I am your host Judith Kambia Obatusa – JKO.
Today we're continuing our self-care series by talking about how to use your childhood picture to guide your self-care practices and embrace your inner child.
Women in challenging life situations, such as unhappy marriages, often face unique stressors and emotional burdens. Research shows that women are more likely than men to report being stressed, anxious, and overwhelmed, and that women who are in difficult relationships may be particularly vulnerable to these negative emotional experiences.
For women in difficult relationships, self-care practices can play a particularly important role in promoting emotional well-being and reducing stress. As Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, a licensed marriage and family therapist, explains, "In order to have healthy relationships, we need to take care of ourselves first. That means doing things that make us happy and help us relax, even if it means putting our own needs before our partner's sometimes."
So, whether you're in an unhappy marriage, dealing with the challenges of single parenthood, or facing other difficult life situations, self-care practices can be an essential tool for promoting well-being and reducing stress.
The inspiration from my one year birthday picture.
This led me to exploring how to use our childhood pictures to guide our self-care practices, especially if we are in a challenging life situation such as an unhappy marriage. How can we use a picture of ourselves as a child as a source of inspiration and strength to guide our self-care routine? Let’s get into it.
A childhood picture of yourself can be a powerful tool for self-discovery and self-care. It represents a time of innocence, wonder, and joy, before the stresses and responsibilities of adulthood took over. By looking at a picture of yourself as a child, you can tap into that sense of wonder and inspiration, and find new ways to navigate the challenges of your adult life.
One reason why childhood pictures can be so powerful is that they provide a window into our past selves. We often forget who we were as children and the dreams and desires we had. When we look at a childhood picture, we are reminded of the hopes and dreams we had and the things that brought us joy. This can be a powerful motivator to bring more of those things into our lives as adults.
Another reason why childhood pictures can be so powerful is that they can help us reconnect with our inner child. As adults, we often become disconnected from our inner child, which is a part of us that is playful, curious, and full of wonder. By reconnecting with our inner child, we can tap into that sense of playfulness and curiosity, and find new ways to approach the challenges of our adult lives.
Childhood pictures can also remind us of the love and support we had as children. Looking at a childhood picture can bring back memories of people who loved and supported us, whether it was a parent, grandparent, or teacher. By reconnecting with those memories, we can tap into a sense of love and support that can help us navigate the challenges of our adult lives.
According to research by the American Psychological Association, reminiscing about positive childhood experiences can be a powerful tool for promoting emotional well-being and reducing stress. The study found that people who engaged in positive reminiscence experienced a reduction in negative emotions and an increase in positive emotions. By tapping into the support and love of our inner child, we can access a sense of comfort, safety, and joy that can be incredibly healing, especially in the midst of difficult life situations.
For women in unhappy marriages, reconnecting with their inner child can be particularly important. As Dr. Sheryl Ziegler, a licensed professional counselor, explains, "By embracing our inner child, we can begin to release old patterns and beliefs that no longer serve us. We can tap into a sense of playfulness and spontaneity that can help us navigate difficult emotions and situations with greater ease."
So, whether you're dealing with the stress of an unhappy marriage, a challenging work situation, or any other difficult life situation, remember that you have the power to tap into the feelings of joy, wonder, and innocence that you had as a child.
To use a childhood picture as a guide for self-care, first find a childhood picture that resonates with you. Look for a photo that evokes a positive emotion or memory, such as a picture of you playing with friends, enjoying a favorite activity, or spending time with family.
Next, reflect on what the picture represents to you. Start by simply looking at the picture. Observe what comes up for you. What memories and emotions does it bring up? Do you remember anything about the day the picture was taken? What stands out to you in the picture? Take some time to think about what the picture means to you and how it relates to your self-care. For example, if the picture is of you playing outside, you might connect it to the importance of spending time in nature as an adult. By reflecting on these, you can gain valuable insights into your own needs and priorities for self-care.
The next step is to explore the connections between your childhood picture and your current struggles and challenges. What aspects of your childhood picture resonate with your current life? Are there any themes or patterns that you notice? For example, if your childhood picture shows you playing outside, and you are currently feeling stressed and disconnected from nature, you might realize that spending more time outside is an important part of your self-care routine. If the picture is of you playing with friends, you might connect it to the importance of social connection and make it a priority to spend time with friends as an adult.
Another important part of reflecting on your childhood picture is to identify any negative beliefs or patterns that may have emerged since the time the picture was taken. For example, if your childhood picture shows you singing, but you stopped singing because someone told you that you were not good at it, you might realize that reconnecting with singing could be a powerful form of self-care and healing.
Reflecting on your childhood picture can help you gain insight into your needs and priorities for self-care. It can also help you identify any negative beliefs or patterns that may be holding you back. By taking some time to reflect on your childhood picture, you can gain valuable insights that can guide your self-care routine and help you navigate life's challenges better.
Connecting your childhood picture to your self-care as an adult can be a powerful way to tap into the memories and experiences that shaped you as a person. Here are some steps you can take to make this connection:
1. Use your childhood picture as a visual reminder. Print out a copy of your childhood picture and put it somewhere you will see it every day, such as on your desk, in your bedroom, or on your fridge. This will serve as a visual reminder to tap into the feelings of joy, wonder, and innocence that you had as a child, and to prioritize self-care practices that support those feelings.
2. Reconnect with activities you enjoyed as a child. Think about the activities that brought you joy as a child, such as drawing, dancing, or playing outside, and find ways to incorporate them into your self-care routine. For example, you might start a daily art practice or make time to go for a walk in nature every day.
3. Reconnect with positive memories and relationships. Your childhood picture can remind you of the positive memories and relationships that you had as a child. Take time to reconnect with those memories and relationships, whether it's by reaching out to a childhood friend or spending time with family members who were supportive and loving.
4. Practice self-compassion. One of the key elements of self-care is self-compassion. Remember that your childhood picture represents a time of innocence and vulnerability, and that it's okay to be vulnerable and imperfect as an adult. Be gentle and kind with yourself as you navigate life's challenges, and practice self-compassion as you would with a child.
5. Finally, practicing mindfulness and meditation can be a powerful way to connect with our inner child and cultivate a sense of inner peace and calm. Research has shown that mindfulness practices can reduce stress, improve mood, and even enhance immune function. As the mindfulness teacher, Jon Kabat-Zinn, explains, "Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way: on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally."
Overall, using your childhood picture as a guide for self-care practices can be a powerful way to tap into the inner strength and resilience that you had as a child. By prioritizing self-care practices that support the feelings of joy, wonder, and innocence that you had as a child, you can navigate life's challenges with more ease and grace.
So, whether it's through engaging in creative activities, spending time in nature, or practicing mindfulness, there are many ways to reconnect with your inner child and prioritize your emotional and spiritual well-being. Remember, you are worthy of love, compassion, and self-care, even in the midst of difficult life situations.
While engaging in self-care practices can be a powerful way to prioritize your emotional and spiritual well-being, it's also important to remember that you don't have to go it alone. There are many resources and support systems available to women in challenging life situations.
As Brene Brown, popular shame researcher and motivational speaker explains, "We don't have to do it all alone. We were never meant to."
In addition to resources like therapy where one can learn new coping skills, gain insight into our thinking patterns and improve on our self-awareness and self-compassion, online groups can also provide inspiration, education, and supportive connections. As Brene Brown, said, "Connection is why we're here. We're hardwired to connect with others, it's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives."
For many of us, challenges drive us to isolate ourselves but to overcome them, we need to connect with others. This is why we have the Messy Can’t Stop Her Sisterhood on Facebook, where we can come together to help one another through the challenges.
So, whether it's through therapy, support groups, or online resources, remember that there are many options available to you as you navigate difficult life situations. You are not alone, and you are deserving of support, compassion, and self-care. You are worthy of love, care, and compassion.
As we wrap up this episode, I want to leave you with a quote from the author and speaker, Elizabeth Gilbert, who once said, "You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to have a voice. You are allowed to leave behind whatever doesn't serve you. You are allowed to show up in this world exactly as you are."
Remember that self-care is an ongoing process, and it may take some time to find the practices that work best for you. By connecting to your childhood picture and using it as a guide, you can tap into the experiences that shaped you and create a self-care routine that is both meaningful and effective for you.
Prioritizing care for ourselves is especially important when life is hard. As Audre Lorde, the American writer and poet who wrote about her journey with cancer in the Cancer Journals said, "Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare."
Self-care is not always easy. When we're facing difficult life situations, it can be hard to find the time, energy, and motivation to prioritize self-care. But by using your childhood picture as a source of inspiration, you can tap into your inner strength and resilience and overcome these obstacles. By reflecting on your childhood picture and using it to guide your self-care routine, you can find the strength you need to support your physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being, and live a more fulfilling life.
Thank you for tuning in to this episode, and remember to always be gentle with yourself, listen to your inner voice, and prioritize your own self-care. You are worthy of love and compassion, and you are deserving of a life filled with joy, purpose, and meaning. No matter how hard it looks now, the tides are turning in your favour. Believe it. When you do this, messy can’t stop you.
Thank you so much for listening. See you next time.