Welcome to this episode of Messy Can't Stop Her! I am your host, Judith Kambia Obatusa, JKO.
Continuing our journey into thriving through chaos, we will be looking into the impact of our own words on our lives. Last week, we talked about how to change our thoughts and make them work for us and today, I would like us to explore the profound impact of the words we speak.
You may have heard the saying, "Words have power." Well, it's not just a cliché; it is a truth that can significantly shape our experiences. The words we choose to utter have the potential to create the reality we live in, especially during challenging times.
The idea that "words have power" isn't just a saying; it's supported by scientific research. Studies in psychology and neuroscience suggest that our words not only reflect our thoughts but can actively influence our perceptions and experiences.
A medically reviewed article by Psych Central, a newsletter that writes about mental health, shared research about how certain words can activate specific areas of our brain and affect a person’s experience of pain.
Words matter. Many times, when we talk about words we focus on what others say to us. But do you know other people’s words to or about us do not matter as much as our own words to ourselves or about ourselves?
In the face of chaos, we often find ourselves grappling with negativity and uncertainty. It is easy to succumb to the weight of our circumstances, and as many say, be realistic about what you are going through.
But what if I told you that your words could be the catalyst for positive change?
Yes, our words are not just verbal expressions; they are declarations of our beliefs and intentions. They hold the energy to either reinforce our challenges or pave the way for triumph.
Apart from the research around this, my personal experience of how my words have shaped my life helped me see the truth of this in real time.
The words of our mouth can be instrumental in helping us thrive through chaos.
[00:01:30] Let us start with our self-talk. The conversations we have with ourselves, whether spoken aloud or in the silent chambers of our minds, play a crucial role in shaping our perspective. When faced with chaos, pay attention to the narrative you're telling yourself. Are your words building you up or tearing you down?
Research has found that talking to or about ourselves negatively, increases our feelings of helplessness, decreases our motivation for change and increases our risk of mental health problems, the number one being depression.
When we talk negatively to or about ourselves, we also decrease our chances of success in life. So, if we are in a negative life situation, the chances of coming out of it and thriving become slimmer when our words remain negative.
For example, a study on 258 female gymnasts showed that their self talk predicted their success in competition. The more positive their words to or about themselves, the better their performance. Imagine the self talk of Simone Biles!
There are various studies like this of sports men and women and they all find that positive self-talk is the greatest predictor of success.
Consider this: Instead of saying, "I can't handle this," try affirming, "I have what it takes to navigate through this challenge." By consciously choosing positive affirmations, we start to shift the energy within us, fostering resilience and a belief in our capabilities.
Now, let us delve into the words we speak to others. Our interactions with friends, family, and colleagues can either contribute to the chaos or serve as anchors of support.
A study by Lera Boroditsky, professor of cognitive science at the University of California San Diego found that the adjectives we choose to describe a situation, frames how we think and act about it. When the word beast was used to describe crime in a city with a high crime rate, people said, ‘Bring in more police, harsher jail sentences’—the kinds of things that you would imagine doing for a real beast. Put out a hunting party and cage and kill it,” When it was described as a virus they came up with more preventative solutions—diagnose the root cause of the problem, inoculate the population, improve education, deal with economic problems in the community so people are not as susceptible to crime.” Her study found that not only do our word choices affect how we describe the problem, it also determines how we try to fix it.
During challenging times, it is vital to communicate our needs effectively and seek encouragement from those around us. In those interactions, using our words to focus on the negative situation we have found ourselves in will only increase our feelings of misery and block our minds from seeing any way of thriving even when others try to offer helpful suggestions.
It is important to work on our words especially when we are in challenging times because Negative words also impact our relationships. During life’s chaos, we need support, but we can drive off those who are supporting us by our words. Negative language focuses on blame and reactivity. It can paint an unflattering picture of who we are and can lead to the negative outcome we really do not want.
Talking to or about ourselves negatively can put us in a state of chronic stress that can also lead to health challenges – impacting our sleep, increasing our blood pressure and risk of cardiac disease, weakening our immune system and causing us to age prematurely.
However, there is good news. By changing our words, we can reduce our risk of these conditions and change our lives for the better. There is evidence that words can impact the physiology of our brain. So, life may have created a negative mental map in our brain and put us in the default mode of speaking negatively but we can change it when we begin to use our words positively. Instead of allowing whatever mental map is in place to dictate how we talk about ourselves and situations, or we can consciously choose the lens through which we will view an issue or situation and talk about it.
In their book, “Words Can Change Your Brain”, Neuroscientist Andrew Newberg & Mark Robert Waldman, a therapist, tell us that our words shape our consciousness, and our consciousness shapes our reality. They advise that we choose our words wisely.
I want to remind you that the journey to thriving through chaos is a gradual process. So, please show yourself some compassion.
Next week, I will share practical examples and tips on how to make our words work for us instead of against us. Together, we will explore how to change our words and use intentional language to thrive through chaos.
To help you, I have developed a list of affirmations that you can include in your daily schedule. Be patient with yourself as you incorporate this practice into your life. The goal is not perfection but progress.
If you missed our last episode on transforming thoughts, be sure to catch up for a comprehensive understanding of this transformative journey.
Do not forget to be compassionate and gentle with yourself.
I will repeat the advice of Andrew Newberg & Mark Waldman, till we meet again, choose your words wisely. When you do this, messy won't stop you!
Thank you so much for listening. See you next time.