Thriving through chaos: The role of faith in unlocking forgiveness and healing

Judith Kambia Obatusa - JKO and Forgiveness Facilitator Debra Wright discuss how faith, forgiveness, and self-discovery transformed Debra's life and led to her vision of the Healing the Heart retreat taking place this May in Tobago. Learn why signing up for the retreat could be your transformative step towards breaking free from the past, healing from trauma, and embracing your authentic self.

For more information about the 2024 Healing the Heart retreat taking place on the beautiful Island of Tobago, click on this link.

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Transcript

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JKO: [00:00:00] Welcome to this episode of Messy Can't stop her. I am your host, Judith Kambia Obatusa, J K O. In the last couple of weeks, we've been talking about thriving through chaos and how we can activate the shield of faith. I promised that I was going to share with us stories from the Bible of women who activated the shield of faith and thrived in a chaotic situation or through chaos And also people in our world who are doing the same. Last week we had Dr. Lexi Lain, a naturopathic doctor, who gave us her insights on how faith helps with the healing process. And last week she also mentioned the Tobago retreats, killing the heart retreats. She mentioned that there was another amazing woman who was part of [00:01:00] the trial of Facilitators for that retreat and the person's name is Debra Wright.

So Lexi mentioned Debra Wright as the third woman in the trio of facilitators. On today's episode, we're so privileged to be able to sit down and talk with Debra Wright. Debra, thank you so much. 

Debra: Thank you, Judith, for having me on the podcast and really appreciative of joining you on this journey. I trust that today our topic will be a blessing to our hearers. 

JKO: Amen. Amen. Thank you so much. And I mean, Deborah is going into its deep and very nicely. 

Debra: Yes, 

JKO: because when we talk about faith, we actually base it on a belief in something bigger, greater than ourselves. [00:02:00] And faith, the Bible says, is the substance of things for the evidence of things we cannot see. So we're getting into this podcast and we're believing that those who hear this podcast episode will be blessed. And they'll receive the tools that they need to thrive, no matter how difficult a situation may be. So Debra is a Forgiveness facilitator, and a life coach. She is the author of various bestselling books. The first book is Becoming Debra Wright. That book talks about how Debra herself overcame overwhelming obstacles, and [00:03:00] now she understands. Not just as a woman who overcame what she has become somebody who supports others to overcome. And one major thing that she identifies as helping her through that or to achieve that has been forgiveness. And that's why she shares that. So Debra, tell us a little bit about the work you do. As a forgiveness facilitator, 

Debra: thank you, Judith, as a forgiveness facilitator, can I just go back just a tiny bit so that the listeners could understand who the woman Deborah is I identify with the woman in the Bible called Deborah. She was an amazing judge, and she was a woman beyond her times. And, you know, my parents named me Deborah and can I just be honest, I did not like the name. When I was growing up, I hated that name, Debra. I went by Debbie. I went by [00:04:00] every other thing besides Deborah. But as I grew older, I understood the destiny of Debra.

I understood the calling of Debra and because of the journey that I went through in my life, you know having been in a marriage for 25 years, three children, you know, miscarriages, and finally God blessing me with children. And then at the end of 25 years to go through a divorce. It was painful. And I, I had to learn through that season of my life that I had to trust God.

I had to be able to forgive myself for some of the mistakes that I had made. And I had to forgive my partner, my ex-partner. Because if I held on to those, those painful emotions and, and the things that, that happened throughout my life, I wouldn't be here today. I would be a bitter woman, not being able to help anyone, [00:05:00] not being able to help my children, not being able to help the women and men sometimes that I help.

You know, I've gotten men's coming on and saying, you know Ms Wright, I am so grateful for the post that you put out because it's helping me through my divorce or it's helping me through a series of situations in my life. So one thing I could say is that when you are going through something, you know, it might be that dark season in your life, but remember that the darkest hour is always before the dawn.

And so when you're in that season, you may not be able to see the light ahead of you, but use that time wisely to ask God, how do I make it out? How do I use this situation as a stepping stone to my greatness? Because I'm telling you, [00:06:00] my dear, God takes those places. You know, it's like the, you know, the story of the phoenix rising from the ashes.

I'm actually feeling really teary and I, I don't know why at this moment, but when you go through that dark, dark day And that light shines, you're like that phoenix rising from the ashes and you can go above your storm now and you can say, God, I thank you because I held on to to what I knew in my heart, you may not be a Christian, a lot of people may not profess Christianity, but they know that there is a bigger power.

There's a higher power that they can call on and they can say, I know that you are walking with me through the darkness and see a brighter day. 

JKO: It's just amazing. [00:07:00] Hallelujah. Hallelujah. I love it. I love it. I love it. And in a previous episode of Mexican stopper, we had Deborah tell her story. So I'm going to put a link to that episode or those episodes in this in the show notes for this one.

So Deborah, you talked about how letting go. And asking God for direction through a difficult season brought you into purpose. Basically, you're now living in purpose because of the pain of your past. Could you please talk a little bit about the role of faith? in that process for you. 

Debra: The role of faith in this process, Judith, was absolutely everything. During that season, [00:08:00] I left my family, like I shared in the previous podcast, I left my family and I traveled alone by myself. I, you know, I knew where I was going to stay for a couple months, but after that, I didn't want to stay. In the confines of my family, I wanted to journey on my own. I wanted to find the place where I could learn to be myself.

I could learn to be free. And also it's where my faith really, really came into play. I've been a a church girl. I'd been in church all my life. My dad was a minister. My mom, you know, grew up as a pastor's daughter as well. I knew about church, but did I really know God for myself? I thought I did, but it's when I stayed by myself in those, in those lonely days, [00:09:00] all alone, I had no one in the, in the, in the apartment with me.

It was just me and God, and I, I, I never really stayed alone. So it was a challenge the first little while, but I learned that, you know, I can use music. I can use Christian music, or I can just, I just left my radio playing, but playing with. Songs feel a fate listening to ministers preach, listening to talk shows with people talking about the power of God and and all of that.

And I learned in that time that I was stronger than than I knew. And God really ministered to me during those seasons, and he's the 1 that. Push me through the process. I didn't have anybody to, to, to talk to about the forgiveness journey. I had no one to talk to really. It was just me and God. And I started to journal and I prayed and I cried and God just, [00:10:00] he just started to do a work in me, showed me things.

You know, when you ask God to show you the places that you need to deal with, he comes to you in some. Really amazing ways. And he took me right back to my childhood and some of the things that that had hurt me and I held on to and he started showing me and every every time I would sit down, I would start talking or I start thinking he would bring things back to my memory.

And it was that journey Judith. That actually helped me to get to the other side that after a while, it was maybe about four months when, you know, my family, they would see my, my photos, because I would send back photos home and they'd be like, girl, you're glowing, what's happening with you. But it was that change from the inside that God was dealing with me and given me steps of how to do the journey, how to, how to encourage myself, how to heal.

[00:11:00] And that is what brought me to where I am today. Yes, I went back and I took some courses and, you know, upgraded myself because we always need to we always need to invest in ourselves. We have to invest in ourselves so that way we don't stay stagnant, we grow. And it's just like Lexi said earlier in the last podcast that we are doing a women's retreat is healing the heart.

What God did for me was healed my heart. And so we're, we're encouraging women to invest in yourself that you can begin to heal. Let me tell you something. When you are healed, you can do some incredible things that you never thought that you could do. I'm telling you, you understand that, Judith, because you have, you've had your issues as well that you've had to trust God for, and it is such an amazing, amazing time because now I look up myself, you know, this is just so funny.

I was [00:12:00] looking at a a clip that my, my social media person put out. On my behalf, I had no idea she was going to post it and I'm looking at myself. I'm like, girl, what's happening with you? You are just moving. You're doing things that you never thought that you would do. You're doing you're, you're, you're in places.

You're in spaces. That God opened up for you because I allowed myself to let go of the pain. I could have dragged it on. I could have been bigger, but you know what? You can't, you've got to let it go and you've got to keep dreaming. You've got to keep pressing and have faith, you know, believe what the thing that you cannot see, see it before you believe it.

And I don't mean see it tangibly, but see it in your mind's eye. And that you've come to pass, you know, God is amazing having faith in God. It keeps you going. It [00:13:00] keeps you strong. It's like that anchor that holds you when the way. It is such as blowing and everything around you seems as was falling down, but faith is that anchor that I stand on even till today, it is my anchor, the faith I have in Christ.

JKO: I really appreciate this because I have spoken in the past about how separation, like when you're in a very difficult relationship, taking time away from each other can give you and I have something I always say. Listen to your heart because your heart is your very own God given GPS that guides you on the journey of your life. But, you know, you cannot come to the place of listening to your heart when you are surrounded by all this noise and how we get to that place is when we take time [00:14:00] for ourselves. Yes, we recognize that not all of us can take four months. Like Deborah did, but you can take four days. We can take four days to be with people who will guide us.

People who would share their journey. Deborah had nobody whose journey she could model hers after. But God gave her that opportunity so that she would now become somebody who helps people on their journey. She did not have someone to help her. I also in my life. I've seen the power of separating myself in a very difficult, and I've been in this for so long in my life, this situation that was unending.

I separated for about a year. That year was very [00:15:00] tumultuous, I must say, but it was tumultuous because I had to go with kids. The work that God was doing inside me, so, you know, my children can't help me through this, the work he was doing. I was leaning on him. He began to bring resources my way to teach me the things I needed to learn for where I am now. It was from that journey that I started this podcast. It was from that journey that I brought women together and I facilitated the book. A letter to my darling husband with other women, brought the women together from different parts of the world. God has begun a new thing in me. And that's why we are saying, separate yourself for some time.

Yes, you may, you have children like me. I had children. [00:16:00] And that's my one year with those kids, I realized that I needed to take care of myself. To be the mother that you need. And if you listen to my podcast episode about my daughter's loss, what I look back on is that I did not know myself early enough to be the mother she needed early in her life.

And I don't want that to be the story of any woman. And I know that Debra does not want. Many of us don't have to go through that painful transition she had to do. So Debra, how did you begin to grow your faith? Apart from the fact that you had to separate yourself, some other things that you did when you separated yourself?

Debra: One of the things you have to do, Judith, is you have to make a decision. You have to make a decision. You can't say, well, Oh, I've [00:17:00] got to talk to this one and talk to that when you got to make a decision, this is your life. You're fighting for whether it's four days, 14 months, four months, you have to make a decision.

That's the first thing you make a decision to say, okay, I needed to invest in myself. I need to find me. I made a decision. I bought a pLain ticket and I was gone doing that. It caused me to, to stand up, right? Because, you know, I've been, I was cocooned. I've always had family around me. So this is a journey that you're going on by yourself.

In my case, I was by myself. So even if you're going somewhere with others. It's okay. As long as you're getting away and you can spend time alone, you have to find that space for yourself that you are alone. And after you've made that decision, you have to figure out, [00:18:00] this is the situation that I am dealing with and I want to be able to heal.

It's easy to say, but it's not easy to be done. So you have to purpose in your heart that this is what you're going to do. So whether it is, you know, traveling alone or you don't have to travel far. Sometimes you can do it right in the city or outside of your city. But once you get to where you're going I sat down, I journaled.

Those were some of the things I did. I journaled. So I had books and books and books, and that's how I wrote my first book. You've got paper everywhere. I wrote on anything, you know, I just wrote everywhere because

what I was doing and what you will be doing is releasing real estate in your mind, you're letting go of things. So, when you write, you are taking valuable space, [00:19:00] putting it, put in the, the, the, the, all the junk now on paper. Or some people like to talk, they would speak and, you know, you use your phone as a recorder and you speak on your phone.

So you're still, you're still releasing. So you make a decision and then you get to where you are and then you start doing the work. Now you're journaling or you're, you're speaking. And then I used prayer. I use music. Music is therapy. Praise therapy journal in this therapy, so you see where I'm going with that.

And so those are some of the processes and as you start releasing space from your mind. New thoughts. Begin to fill you up new revelation, and I'm not just talking on a, on a, on a religious level, new revelations about you. Okay, so this beautiful [00:20:00] woman that thought that she was nothing. Because sometimes we get to a place where we feel like we are worth anything, but as we begin to release the negativity.

And you start seeing yourself in a different light, you stand in the mirror and you start, you start affirming yourself, you know, I am beautiful. I am, I am strong. And you know, like a lot of people talk about that strong. Black woman or that's true. I mean, in our community, that's strong black woman. Yeah, that's all right.

But guess what? We need others to help us along. Don't want to be this big, strong black woman that you can't accept help. I know we just fared off a little bit, but I had to put that in because a lot of time as women. We think that we are so big and we are so strong, and we're on top of the world and we can work, and you can come [00:21:00] home and you can work again, and you can take care of the kids and take care of the husband and take care of the business and everything.

And guess what? In, in that circle, you're, you're losing you. So when you get away, you're taking stuck of who you are. You're releasing valuable space from your mind, from your, from your being. You're getting it out. You're getting rid of the negativity. And watch yourself begin to just come alive. I'm telling you, I lived it so I can share it with you.

And this is what I would share with my, with my clients. You have to acknowledge, A, you have to recognize where you are. And then you have to, E, you have to empower others. A R E. You acknowledge, you recognize. Or you release, and then you empower. That's the formula. 

Acknowledge it [00:22:00] first. Okay, this is my situation.

Release. Go through the process. And after you've gone through the process and you find you, now you can use what you know to empower others. That's, that's the simple formula, really. 

JKO: The Tobago retreat. I'm going to just talk about that. And we're going to talk about it a little. Just give us a little snippet into the experience that somebody who comes to Tobago is going to experience. And why is it important? 

Debra: It is very important to immerse yourself in a process where you have people that are going to facilitate faster release of your healing.

Because if you're by yourself, like I took those, I took those time by myself. It took me four months. But when you are in [00:23:00] community, when you are immersed and that's what you're, you're sitting in, you have other people around you and that energy. That everybody is there with different issues, but it's the things that you've gone through, but you're in a community and each one of his facilitators, we get from the trauma, we get the forgiveness.

And then we also get the finding yourself that will accelerate your healing. So you want to be immersed there. It's going to, it's going to be. Letting go of the mess. So you are full with all the stuff that's inside of you. And we as facilitators, we're going to pour into you. I'm going to teach you how to acknowledge your pain, how to go through that process.

I'm going to show you how to release it and then give you strategies on how to continue because forgiveness is not a one time thing. [00:24:00] It is not your forgive today and it's done. There are layers to it. So we're going to get you started on that journey. And then you're going to be able to learn how to empower.

Yourself without a coach or a facilitator being there because we're going to give you the tools and how to do that and you can empower yourself and then you can empower others, but we would love for you just to be on the journey because the 4 days. Well, it's 5 days, 4 nights. It's going to help you to grow in a community that will be there with you, that you can, you can connect with even after you leave.

So when, when people have community, there's growth because it's on a journey. Each time you share a story and other people hear your story, you will realize how far you've come because that's what happens. So [00:25:00] it's not about us. I am here to help you. I understand the pain. I understand what it means to be lost and broken and find yourself.

And I want to just impart that to you. So whatever you're struggling with, I want to be able to help with my two other facilitators so that we can get you on the right path in your journey. 

JKO: Why Tobago? 

Debra: Tobago Judith is Where I got my final release to be me. Tobago is an island, it's a twin island and it's a small of the two islands. It's surrounded by water. Always been a place of peace for me. It is a place where you feel renewed and in a place like that. It's just for me, Judith, it [00:26:00] was finding my peace. It is. And so when, when I was there a year ago, I felt the Lord impressing upon my heart to do this retreat in Tobago. And I, I got on the phone and I called Alexi and I told her about it, said, I want to do this in Tobago because it's a place of peace. It's a place of renewal. 

JKO: I know how important peace is. I remember one of my mentors telling me how having peace inside you is important. And that's what led me down the path of becoming a clarity coach, because as I got that piece in me, I was getting clarity about my life and steps I take moving forward. So having a place where peace surrounds you, where you are going through a process to give you peace in you is important. So I want to just, can you give me a few [00:27:00] words, but that woman who is listening to us, who is listening. A difficult situation, something to encourage and to tell her why she should create time to join us in Tobago in May.

Debra: If you are that woman, let's give you a name, Sandy. If you are that woman listening to us right now, and you are struggling in a relationship, you're struggling as a mother, as a wife. You have trauma that you've been through, whatever that trauma, it could be that you can't get over this retreat is for you.

Sandy, we invite you to come on board with us. We know that when you get there, you will begin to feel that release. Don't wait. [00:28:00] Go right and book yourself into this retreat. We're not taking a lot of people. We want a few women that we can, we can nurture. So Sandy, we're inviting you to go your place and renewal.

I can't wait to meet you. I'll be at the airport waiting for you. We'll see you soon. 

JKO: One thing I want to add to what Debra said is the opportunity they're going to have to have one on one coaching with Debra, Forgiveness Facilitator and Life Coach, as well as Dr. Lexi Lain, the naturopathic doctor. They'll be helping you with stress and trauma, releasing it. I'm moving forward and with me, Judith, clarity coach and podcaster, and also someone with lived experience [00:29:00] to help you discover who you are and chat a path to go forward, living authentically instead of living to please. And people never being pleased. So I look forward to seeing you with us. We have space for about eight people now left. So you can just click on the link that I'm going to share in the show notes for you to find out more about these retreats and create time for yourself because you know what you deserve it. Yeah. So I just want to say thank you to Debrah. Debra, thank you so much for making time. Thank you for being in the space with us and for offering yourself to help women like me and our listeners who need the support to find themselves and leave [00:30:00] in purpose. Thank you, Deborah. 

Debra: Thank you so much for having me on the show. Love you, girl. Thank you. 

​JKO: A special appreciation to Debra Wright, a woman whose journey of forgiveness and self-discovery have made her God's instrument for bringing the 2024 Tobago Retreat to life.

My sisters, I am feeling so inspired after this conversation with Debra, and I believe you are too. It's been a powerful journey, diving deep into forgiveness and how it can unlock the door to purpose. We've learned that sometimes, to truly heal and thrive, we have to take that leap of faith, even if it means stepping outside our comfort zones.

Remember that woman named Sandy that Debra talked about? The one battling a tough situation, maybe in her relationship, as a mom, or just carrying the weight of past hurts? Well, Sandy, this message is for you. This Tobago retreat is your chance to break free, to finally release that baggage and step into your power.

All my Sandys out there, consider joining us at the Tobago Healing the Heart Retreat. If you're ready to invest in yourself, to break free from the chains of the past, and to rediscover your authentic self, this retreat is for you. It is an opportunity for healing, release, and community support. Debra, Lexi, and I are ready to guide you, to share our experiences and tools, and to create a safe space where you can truly heal and discover the amazing woman you are. 

We only have a few spots left, so head over to the link in the show notes and secure your place. Remember, you deserve this, beautiful soul. You deserve to heal, to thrive, and to live a life that lights you up from the inside out.

Your story matters, and so does your healing, so invest in yourself. When you do this, messy won’t stop you.

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Thank you so much for listening. See you next time.