Thriving through chaos: Journey to clarity with faith

Join guest host Debra Wright as she interviews the host of Messy Can't Stop Her, Judith Kambia Obatusa - JKO. Discover the intersection of faith, healing, and finding clarity. JKO shares her personal journey, emphasizing the importance of investing in yourself and finding peace amid life's chaos. Get a sneak peek into the upcoming retreat in Tobago, where women who are committed to thriving through chaos will gather for a profound experience of connection, empowerment, and transformation. This inspiring conversation will remind you that you are worth the investment in your well-being. 

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Music Credit: https://indiefy.me/wanted-carter

Transcript

JKO: [00:00:00] Welcome to this episode of messy can't stop her. I am your host Judith Kambia Obatusa, J K O. We've been talking about faith and how you can thrive through chaos when you activate your shield of faith. And we've been talking to women like you and I.

Who activated the shield of faith and it's helping them, it helped them come through chaos. We've also talked to people who help people heal their heart and they say the impact of faith. So we had Lexi Lain and we had Debra Wright on today's episode. I'm the third facilitator in the healing the heart retreats and I'm a podcast host, but on today's episode, I'm handing the keys over to my Friend, my sister from another mother, Debra, she will be interviewing me for this episode of Mexican stopper.

[00:01:00] Debra, take it away. 

Debra: Hello. Hello. Hello. This is your girl, Debra, right? And I am so honored to take over the seat from Judith today, because I just want to ask her some questions. She's such a beautiful lady. I had the opportunity to meet her when I was out in Vancouver. Yes, we shared my hotel room for a night and it was fun because we got to chat.

And I realized that we are kindred spirits. As a matter of fact, somebody thought she was my sister because she looks like me, which is. You know, we're from two different continents. She's from the continent of Africa and I'm from the Caribbean. So the Americas, but anyways, today, Judith, it was such a pleasure meeting you.

And I know you've already introduced yourself, but can you tell us about you in context of some of the work that you do as a clarity coach? Not the podcast apart, but because we already know that one, but [00:02:00] talk to us about the clarity coach lady. Let's talk about that. 

JKO: Thank you so much, Debra. So clarity is something that I didn't have for most of my life.

When I was going to turn 50 I began to see that I just couldn't continue living life the way I've been struggling to live it. The truth is that chaos. And if I was going to live the life that I've been given, I could not frame my life's decisions and actions around 

situations I found myself in and those situations, I could say, we're not really things that I, I knew I could change at the time. So I decided. To [00:03:00] live the life that I had been given and I decided to live this life happy with who I was loving who I was. And as I made that decision to see when the student is ready, the teacher will show up. Teachers began to show up through. People, a particular, a particular program came on my newsfeed on Facebook, a name for somebody I'd never met before.

Apart from that, I began to think inside myself as more to me God. I mean, I believe in Jesus Christ, believe he died for me, and I believe that God loves me, and his love was too much for me to believe in this. Life in so much pain at that time I was, my marriage was like terrible [00:04:00] and I kept hearing all the years I've heard God hates divorce until one day the Holy Spirit told me God hates divorce, but he loves you more than he hates divorce.

And that point I knew that freedom was here. And it wasn't about marriage anymore. It was about me. It was about me deciding to live. And I left, I separated from my spouse. I. I went with my kids and that was, that's another whole traumatic, at least one of my, one of my kids was determined to make sure I was in hell and she gave it to me.

But during that time, that's why I can talk about thriving through chaos. And that's why I can talk about the importance of clarity. I was getting clarity. I learned to [00:05:00] listen to my heart and I understood the importance of peace to clarity. Without peace inside you, you cannot hear the directions for your life.

You continue to make mistakes, listening to your father, your mother, the books, the people, the friends, the so called experts, the expert of your life is not the experts that you read about. It's the one who created you, right? And he wants to talk to you. He wants to give you direction. That's why. People know this.

I always say, listen to your heart because your heart is your God giving GPS to guide you on the journey of your life. And that's what took me into this coaching. I want to see other [00:06:00] women get the clarity, the freedom that God gave me when I learned to listen.

Debra: I really love that, Judith. 

That's, man, I love that, that acronym that you, you use the GPS.

Can you just talk just a little bit about your GPS? Like how did learning that, that process of having that GPS help you to where you are today? Talk to us about that woman.

JKO: In the previous episode of Messy Can't Stop Her, Debra said something about The first step is to decide. The first step to moving forward is to make a decision.

When I decided that this cannot be my life, when I was turning 50 and [00:07:00] I could not go into my 50s. Scatter and just allowing things to happen to me. No things happening for me. Yeah. They're not happening to me. I get to be here. I get to live this life. I get to serve my children. Get to serve you. The one listening to me.

It is a privilege. I won't take it for granted anymore. I won't mourn and groan. Mm-Hmm. . It was my decision that started me to get in my own GPS. I love that. So I decided, and we're talking about faith. You see faith is God's gift to us. Truly it is. God's gift to us. When I made the decision, I decided to let go of me [00:08:00] taking charge of my life because I've been trying to take care of the life and I'm almost 50.

I'm just a few months to 50. And I still, the life is still not. So now I'm going to let you. Do it, Lord, wherever you take me to, I will go. And for me to know where God was taking me to, I had to learn to be calm. So I started to meditate. Oh, I didn't, I didn't, that one too was a resource that God gave me. I thought that meditation was 

poetic.

Yes. 

Even though the Bible records that in the book of Genesis, God meditated, when he said, God brewed it on the face of the earth, he was meditating and out of his meditation came the words, came his first words, let there be light, you know, so somebody now offered someone I met in that program that God brought on my [00:09:00] radar through Facebook offered to Is a session on meditation.

Mm. And I took it 'cause I had to, something to give. I knew there were things I needed to do. I couldn't just say, but what should come and do it? See, God has given us power. Mm-hmm. To change our situation. If only we'll take that part with his help. So the person basically taught us the first thing she was talking about, breathing, read the book about the body keeps the score.

The guy was also talking about what the lady was telling us. When I learned to do my breath work, to meditate, then my monkey brain, before that time I had, my mind was always in constant thinking on all kinds of stuff. My mind stopped that [00:10:00] monkey brain. I got control and when that happened, I started to get peace because instead of meditating on everything that wasn't working, I was meditating on who God says I am, what God says about me, what God says about my situation, what he has promised me about the life that he has given me.

 He became the one that I listened to. And the more I did that, the more I got peace and today I could be sitting in a turmoil and I'll still have peace because God is with me and he has taught me so my, my GPS is not working 

before it wasn't working.

Debra: I'm just sitting down here and just listening to you.

And I already feel that peace because I understand living in chaos. I do too understand living in chaos, but it's finding that GPS. And knowing where you are and where you're going, it really, really helps. So Judith, we, we, we [00:11:00] met through my son in love, right. And, you know, we, we connected, we clicked.

And when I decided to do this retreat. Two people came to my heart and that was my good friend, Dr. Lexi Lain, who was one in my cohort, you know, as we became coaches and then you. And so, yeah, then you are on this retreat. You're going to be one of the facilitators on this retreat. That's coming up in May, May 13th to the 17th.

And you mentioned something just now you talked about breath work. Can you just. Okay. First, are you going to be teaching our women how to breathe, how to learn 

to let go through the power of your breathing? Is that something you're going to be teaching what on under retreat? Just a little hint. 

JKO: I have [00:12:00] to, it has to be, it has to be.

It changed my life. It changed my life. And kudos, kudos, kudos to the Bahrain who offered to teach those of us. Our monkey brain was fully activated and it was going crazy. Just felt it by interaction with us. These are women I have never met in person. And that I will be teaching that I will be sharing my experience.

I'll be providing resources and I'll be connecting you to the people, the one who. God used to teach me. You see the thing I said is when the student is ready, teachers will come, your teacher will come, the particular need you have to be taught will come, the teacher will come. That's what has happened to me.

Even my meeting Debra has. I [00:13:00] began to listen to my heart. It was impressed upon me that I had to start a podcast. Mm-Hmm. . It gave me a platform to tell people my story, to bring resources to people, just the way God brought to me. Mm-Hmm. . And had son in love heard an episode of my podcast. Mm-Hmm. . And I asked him, how did you get?

He said he just came up on his feet. You see, God is working things out for us, whether we know it or not. Yes. Do you think that the things that come up on your feet, you say is, is the algorithm? I'm not sure about the algorithm because I never wrote inside Facebook that I needed to change my life or God brought some change to me.

Yeah. And this thing came up on his feet and he's like,

And my mother in love, you are, you look alike. You need to meet [00:14:00] each other. You have the same values. I've never met Debra and this wonderful man, this young man who God has brought into both our lives for good, connected us. And when we saw each other, we looked alike. Yeah. We look alike, we've believed alike.

Debra: Yes, we have it. They say you have a twin. I've met my twin. Yes, I have. I have definitely met my twin. It's such a joy to be around. You know, I am. I'm really, really looking forward. To us being able to spend time together, you know, you Lexi myself and all those beautiful women that God has ordained to come to this retreat in Tobago [00:15:00] and Judith, if you are speaking for that woman out there, that is needing this retreat, what would you say to her to get her to be a On board, talk to us about that.

JKO: Okay. The thing about my life is that when I started my podcast, I'm not looking for celebrities. I'm looking for women like you and I, because in our lives, our stories, our experiences that need to be celebrated. We don't need to model our lives after people that we see in the news. Most of what we see are not even true.

We need to model our lives after those who have actually gone through things that are similar to what we are experiencing. [00:16:00] So this retreat is an opportunity for you to meet kindred souls. I can't tell you how empowering it is. I can't talk enough about how empowering it is when you meet people who have had similar experiences, how liberating it is to know that you are not A weird person.

That's why you're going through this. It's because I'm not good. It's because I'm not enough to find that. That's look, you're not alone. Just the knowledge of not being alone is so liberating. Just the knowledge that there is a place where you belong is so empowering. That's you might actually have been chasing the wrong relationships.

And when I talk about relationship, I'm not talking about marriage, even friendships. So many of us have been hurt, hurt by friends, hurt by church. We go to church, we put our best there, we are hurt. We go into a [00:17:00] relationship with a man and we are hurt. We go into a relationship with a woman, we are hurt. We go to work and we put our hearts, we are hurt.

We are nice to our neighbor, they hurt us. We love our children, they hurt us. Relatives hurt us. So the knowledge that we have all been hurt in different ways, we have even hurt ourselves by making decisions and not being able to keep it and we're tormented by this hurts and we're living life with torment.

This retreat is a place to come lay that down. Look, I'm a Christian, so I know we're not laying that down at the feet of Debra, Judith and Lexi. We're laying it down at the foot of Jesus, right? Can you imagine living all this turmoil that's going on in your life and taking a few days to be in a place where you are [00:18:00] surrounded by love, you're enveloped by love, you are enveloped by God's love, just by looking at the environment where you are.

You'll see the tangible expression of his love for you in the water, in the flora, in the fauna, in the people, in the food. Then to be in a place surrounded by the love of three of us that have brought ourselves to serve you and all the other people that will be supporting us because three of us can do it all.

We have people that will be supporting us there to be surrounded by that love. What am I saying? Surrounded, immersed, immersed, immersed in that love. Then the love of people like you who are, who now see you and say, Oh, that's a loan. She also has my [00:19:00] experience. Yes. And then you share with them and you say, goodness, you know, I used to think I was the only one who felt this way.

I used to think I was the only one who experienced this. Can you imagine then to now receive resources, had hard cover, you say hardware? Mm-Hmm. for your use when you live. Yeah. Then software that's going into your heart and making a change. Yes. If I had this opportunity, if I didn't have to learn the hard way and at 50 begin to find my path, I would take it.

And another thing is. Why is this important to be at this retreat for you? My sister that's listening to me. I know you, some of us would [00:20:00] say our children, our whatever responsibility. Do you know that you are really not showing up at your best when you are still going through life with turmoil, without peace, without the direction.

We're just doing what they expect of us. I'm a Nigerian Canadian. So the first 40 years of my life, 41 years of my life. I was in Nigeria before I moved to Canada. And in our culture, you go to school, you get married, you have children. We just did. We never questioned anything.

Yeah. And when you get married, even if you have been beaten black and blue, you are abused every day. Maybe you're not being beaten, but you don't have rights. You're nobody. All you are is what your husband lets you be and your family says, it's okay. You have to cope. [00:21:00] So I'm feeling depressed. What do you mean by depression?

There's no such thing. Look, get strong. If you came from a culture like that, you can imagine, but can you imagine being in that culture? And knowing what I know now, what Debra knows now, what Lexi knows now, you will still be in that culture where you will thrive. Yes. And you will be the best mother ever.

My, my daughter died last year. And I look back at her life and my role as her mother. And I saw that she had a woman who was broken as a mother for most of her life. By the time I found my direction close to 50. My daughter, my daughter's life was already missed to in turmoil, no matter how much I try to help.[00:22:00] 

Yeah, with the knowledge I now have, I could not help, even though I was broken those years, I was still there for her but I didn't have enough tools to help her because I didn't know those tools. This is why it's important for us to take time away from life to get the tools we need to be the best mother, the best sister, employee, employee. I want to talk about job work. I went to work when I got my first great job in Canada. I had challenges and my ease. They were not perfect, but because of my own issues that I was dealing with, he didn't, I didn't have enough. I wasn't well equipped right to navigate that terrain with wisdom. I'm still in that [00:23:00] job, but I'm now better equipped. Right. I now come to job, the work to be my best, to give my best. mm-Hmm. to be myself. Yes. Instead of trying to fit in, could not fit in. But by deciding now, because I now know who I am, to be who I'm, I'm now happier at work. It's so important Yes.

For you to take time. So I'm hoping that you are going to, we're going to see you. You take time off. Okay. Another thought. Oh my goodness. Money. I don't have the money to do it. Mm-Hmm. . Ha. My sister . Even if you have to take up an offering, you know, do you know up to do, you know up to 10 people? If 10 people can give you $40, $50, yeah.

Added together. It'll be enough. It'll be enough. You have to. Make a decision to [00:24:00] invest, to invest in yourself, make a decision because you are worth it. And the life you have now is nothing compared to the life you are going to have because you invested in yourself in my life. I paid over 3, 000 for that.

That came across my field that I did not plan to receive the program that came across. I was sitting by myself. Nigerians would say J Jelly. I, no anything come. I've just spoken with p for you. I, I, that I ended up with almost $4,000 that I had to pay over a period. And that's one of the things we're giving you in this.

In the retreats, you can go and sign up immediately and then spread your payments so that by the time where, where it's time to go, you are gone, but you [00:25:00] have to make the decision that you deserve this time in beautiful Tobago Island. You deserve it. You are worth it. You deserve it. Yes. Yes. 

Debra: You make me want to come even though I'm going to be there.

You are making me want to come on this retreat. Thank you for, you know, sharing your heart. Because people need to see who we are, honestly, not we're not, we're not through for women. We are down to earth women, but we love. And when, when, when we love, we love with everything that we have. And so we are just really, really grateful that you will be joining us.

In Tobago on this retreat, because you need to be free of the [00:26:00] pain that you're, you're holding on to. So I am really grateful today, Judith, for, you know, taking over your chair and interviewing you. And I know that, you know, what you have said will touch a lot of hearts. Because you're speaking from your heart, you're speaking from your experience, and that's the thing about being authentic, being real, so that people, you know, my coach Dr. Johnson, he says your, your story is worth millions. But a lot of people don't know that because your story that you're sharing is something that you've walked through. And now because of your story, you can help others. So I want to thank you for giving me the opportunity to be the host on your podcast.

I truly appreciate this. Thank you, [00:27:00] Judith. 

JKO: Thank you, Debra. 

So good. So good. So good.

JKO: [00:27:15] To all my sisters listening, I hope my story resonated with you and sparks the recognition that you too are deserving of healing and clarity.

As we conclude this episode of Messy Can't Stop Her, I want to leave you with this: Your life is a precious gift, and you have the power to transform it. Take the time to invest in yourself, embrace the support of women like kindred spirits, and allow the healing power of faith to guide you. The retreat in the beautiful twin Island of Tobago is not just an opportunity for a getaway; it's a chance for transformation, connection, and empowerment.

Remember, you are not alone on this journey. Surround yourself with love and embrace the tools available to you. When you do this, messy won’t stop you. Thank you so much for listening see you next time!