How to change your thoughts and make them work for you

Judith Kambia Obatusa, JKO shares practical tips for transforming your thoughts and thriving in chaos. Join her as she explores the power of positive thinking, affirmations, mindfulness and gratitude. Listen, learn, and be your sister’s keeper by sharing these insights with a woman who needs a mindset boost. To download a free list of affirmations to kickstart your journey, click here. 

References in this episode

Self Care Series: Mental Health Advocate, Mayra Gonzalez shares how empathy, counselling and self care nurture emotional wellness

Jessica Carter, Yoga Teacher and Nutrition Coach shares how to Release Trauma and Effects like Obesity with Essential Oils & Yoga, Food Journalling, Affirmations and Breathwork

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Thank you so much for listening.

Music Credit: https://indiefy.me/wanted-carter

Transcript

[00:00:00] Welcome to this episode of Messy Can't Stop Her. I am your host, Judith Kambia Obatusa, J K O. Today is a follow up to last week's discussion about watching our thoughts. I promised you last week that this week I will be sharing some ways that we can Use to work on our thoughts so that even when we are in difficult situations, we can still think in a positive way.

Because like they say, thoughts become things. What we think is what we get. Because what we think is what we say, and what we say is what we attract. And another thing is that, what we think is what we become. [00:01:00] So today, we will be diving into how we can actively change our thoughts, and use that transformation to thrive, even in the midst of chaos.

So let's get straight to it. Changing your thoughts is a skill. And like any other skill. It requires practice. So, the first step to changing your thoughts is self awareness. So, I'll be sharing a couple of steps today, but we're starting with self awareness. When I say, what's your thoughts? I'm saying be conscious about what thoughts stay in your mind.

And that's what we discussed about last week. Self awareness is like putting on a [00:02:00] pair of glasses. I wear glasses. But these glasses allow you to see the thoughts swirling in your mind. Remember, you are already aware of how your thoughts impact the life that you have. So, becoming aware now of what thoughts are in your mind is the first step to changing.

Those thoughts, for instance, when you're facing a challenge, do you have thoughts that are empowering? Do your thoughts make you feel like you can surmount the challenges or do they add to your stress? Do you get reminded of how you are not able to come out of the situation? For us to change our thoughts, we must first start by paying attention to the thoughts that occupy our mind.

And [00:03:00] when we become self aware, we will now begin to identify the patterns, our thinking patterns, and we can now challenge Those negative thoughts when we're faced with a difficult or challenging life situation that is long term, it can become easy to get overwhelmed by negative thoughts or even thoughts, patterns, for example, you can get stuck in a cycle of self doubt where you cannot see a better future.

I know that, uh, I have said this before about how many some, how my life has been quite challenging, especially since I moved to Canada and the challenges that my children have had as a mom. I, I connect myself to my children's lives. If my children are challenged, are going through challenges, it impacts me.

And if you've been listening to my podcast, I actually lost my child [00:04:00] last year, and you can imagine the kind of thoughts that I, I get to face, I get to challenge every single day. So what I'm talking about is. I'm sharing what has helped me and what has helped other people for our lives to become better, for us to thrive in the midst of chaos.

We need to be conscious of our thoughts, not only being conscious, but also being able to say no to thoughts that are not in our favor. So one way we can do this is to ask ourselves, is this thought based on facts of fear? Okay. For example, I'm talking about my daughter's passing. Is it some people actually told me that I killed my child, [00:05:00] some people started to take rumors even before I was even able to tell her younger ones about what's made her what's cost her death and, you know, slander.

So I'm slandering my daughter and even me, me, myself. So, are those things true or are they just, um, ideas that are in people's mind? Now I have other kids, so if this happens to my child, this one child, is it going to happen to other kids? Actually, this is my second child that has passed. So I, I, I have other children.

Are they also going to have challenges? So, that thoughts, are they, is it based on thoughts? That's a fear my assuming the worst. So when we're in difficult situations, it's easy for us to begin to, uh, see, oh, my life has been having all these challenges. There's no way [00:06:00] out. What's I'm saying? We need to challenge this negative thought because when we do that, we disrupt the power of that thoughts over our lives and we can begin to see the positive shift.

Yeah. Why, why did my daughter have to die so young? Why did she have to go through everything she went through and then end up dying? Even when I was trusting God that she would come out of it and alive. But then there's another thought. What if her future would have been worse than the past? And God has saved her from a future that is even worse.

Because the truth is, when we're going through challenges, we might think our challenges are so terrible. But I'm telling you, by the time you hear another person's own, you'll be like, wow. Somebody is saying, I don't have shoes. Another person does not have legs to put shoes in. So it helps to have the perspective that my [00:07:00] case is not the worst and that there's hope for me, and that's one way to challenge your thoughts.

One other thing that helps is affirmations. Very powerful. You see what I said about the perspective that there is hope for me, that is an affirmation. There is hope for me, my future. It's still bright, even though right now all I see might not be light, but I know that the future I have is bright. Someone like me, I'm a born again Christian.

The word of God gives us promises from God. So I go to those promises and I hold onto them. Affirmations are important. They are like a pep talk. So to bring our thoughts, not of the dungeon of negativity that can threaten to swallow us when our heart is hurting and life is hard, [00:08:00] we need to create positive statements that counteracts the negative thoughts.

And when we create those statements, we need to repeat them daily. We need to repeat them as often as we need to. Engraining that positivity into our mindset. People have spoken about this. Lisa Nichols, whom I love, has talked about this. She talked about the mirror work where you stand in front of the mirror every morning.

When you brush your teeth in the morning, then you speak to yourself and tell yourself who you are. Who you are. Not who you are. Experience them right now with the future that you have potential that is in you. For example, if self doubt creeps in, you can say, I am capable and confident. You can affirm that you are capable and confident.

So as part of this episode, I will be sharing a [00:09:00] downloadable list of affirmations that you can start with. On this journey of thriving through chaos. Yes, it's easy for us to want to, you know, come out of chaos. But the thing about challenges of life, we know some of us, we don't know when it's going to end.

We don't know what next is happening and how long this journey is. But the truth is we can still thrive in it. And that's what this episode of this podcast, and actually that's what this podcast as a whole is about. Messy can't stop you. Another thing that can really help us is mindfulness. So mindfulness that is Mindfulness meditation.

This can be a game changer on this journey in my life and from the testimony of other women who have been [00:10:00] guests on this podcast, it has been the superhero that saved our minds and helped us see and reach possibilities that delivered us, that, that delivered us from the negativity we had struggled with mindful meditation is so important.

I know this works because in 2021, when I was like losing it. I was so privileged. Sorry. I mean, 2022, I was so privileged to be introduced to meditation and it changed my life. So I went into 2023 with, um, did a program on meditation and it just changed my life. Yeah. I have struggles once in a while, but that's really turned my life [00:11:00] around.

I know it works. So. Tried some episodes of the podcast, have meditation. Examples, one, one particular one with Myra and Jessica, I'll put them as links in this episode, you can listen to them and then take some of those, uh, tips, action items in those, uh, in those episodes and apply them, apply them, application of knowledge is wisdom.

And I know that you are a wise woman. So take a few minutes each day to focus on your breath. This practice not only calms the chaos within, but also helps you to observe your thoughts without judgment. That's why mindful meditation can really, really Be a game changer. Another thing is you need to surround yourself with positivity.

Ah, look at this. Think about this. You're in a very [00:12:00] negative marital situation, and it's not that easy to leave. How are you going to cope? Your children are going through a tough time. You're having issues at work. Your health isn't, is going through a challenge. Who can you, how will you cope in those situations?

So, One thing you can do is surrounding yourself with positivity. So, around you, the music around you, the books that you read, the, the, the, the videos you watch, conversations that you engage in, let them inspire. Let all those things inspire. Let them be things that bring calmness to your soul. Things that light your spiritual things that give you hope.

I, like I said, as a, as Chris, as a Christian, I listen a lot to music. I listen to different genres of music. [00:13:00] Some days I wake up singing. Some days I finish work and I start to dance. You know, I'm determined to be happy. You see, happiness is a choice. So if you make a choice, you will intentionally, deliberately surround yourself with the things that make your choice easy for you.

So, do that. Remember what you expose yourself to, shapes your thoughts. So when I listen to a song that tells me that, for example, He'll do it again for me. He'll do it again. Just take a look at where I am now and where I have been. He'll always come through for me. He's the same now. And then, don't you know, God has not changed.

[00:14:00] You may not know how you may not know when he'll do it again. So when I sing a song like that, my spirit is lifted. I know I don't know how, I don't know when, but he's going to do it. If he kept me this long, he's going to come through for me. So that is important surrounding myself, surrounding ourselves with positivity.

And one thing that goes hand in hand with that is concept of gratitude. When you surround yourself with positivity, you begin to see life differently. You begin to see how, like I just talked about, he will always come through for me. He did it before and he would do it again. So when I look back, I see reason to be grateful.

When I think about my daughter's life, think about the love she gave to me. I think about the fashion sense, how she wanted me to be well dressed, how she told me how beautiful I was. Those are positives. [00:15:00] And I give God praise for the opportunity that he gave me to have been her mom for 24 years, for suckled at my breast, for me to have hugged her in the last two weeks of her life, for the privilege of walking with her through the tough times that she faced.

I give God thanks. Soul. You see, this is also another thing that you do intentionally, intentionally, amid chaos, you focus on what you're grateful for. It could be just a small win. I gave example of my experience with my daughter who passed. For example, listening to this podcast is a win for you. Getting resources that you can apply into your, to your life.

To make your life better is a win for you. It's something to be grateful for. Having a supportive friend that you can call and talk to about this, this challenge in your life, or somebody who gives a call, emails you, texts you, asks how you're doing. It's something to be grateful for. Or just simply being able to breathe.

It is [00:16:00] a thing to be grateful for. Because I, I used to be asthmatic. I know how it is to not be able to breathe. In fact, one of my, uh, sisters, Actually passed away from an asthma attack. So not being able to breathe can actually take your life. So gratitude shifts your focus from lack to abundance. Try it, no matter where you are.

Remember, you are not your thoughts. No matter the challenges you're facing, your thoughts will not define you. And you have the power. To choose the thoughts that dominate your mind. It is like being the director of your own movie. You have the power to choose which thoughts will play the leading role in your movie.

In challenging life situations, this ability to choose the thoughts that play the leading role, this ability to think positively, becomes your superpower. [00:17:00] It gives you strength to create calm within the storm. The Bible calls this the peace in the eye of the storm. Changing your thoughts is a skill that empowers you to thrive in the face of chaos.

In all of these things, you can also seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can be a guide to help you navigate these challenging thoughts and emotions. It is a sign of strength to reach out for support. So many women are in difficult relationships and they are not able to move. And one of the things that's available in so many of these organizations that support women, In those situations is counseling.

There are many counseling opportunities. Some of them are free. You can check where you leave and reach out for help. It is a sign of strength is a sign that you are still capable. [00:18:00] Of getting help for yourself is a sign that you still have what it takes to excel when you ask for help. This issue of changing our thoughts is an ongoing journey, so be patient with yourself.

Oh, why am I thinking like this? Why can't I be more positive? My, my sister, it is an ongoing journey. We have ups and downs on the journey. As you actively shape your thoughts, you are actually taking control of your narrative. You're rewriting your narrative, your self talk for resilience and success. And my sister, I am here to help.

If you want to reach out, please feel free. If you found today's insights valuable, if this episode of the podcast resonated with you. Share them with someone who might need positive [00:19:00] mindset boosts. Someone whose life needs to be changed in a positive way. So, until next time, embrace the power of your thoughts and thrive through chaos.

Embrace the power of your thoughts. Make them positive. Make them work for you. When you do this, messy won't stop you. Thank you so much for listening. See you next time.