Welcome to this episode of Messy Can't Stop Her, I am your host Judith Kambia Obatusa – JKO. On today's episode, we will be getting real about a topic that can feel messy but can also lead to incredible growth - separation. Yes, today is going to be about the power of separation for women.
Now, before you hit that fast forward button, please hear me out. This isn't just about breakups. Separation isn't just about the end of a relationship. Separation, whether temporary or permanent, is about creating space for self-discovery, forgiveness, healing, and activating your faith. Whether it's a break from a toxic relationship, a job, or even harmful thought patterns, separation can be a catalyst for transformation.
Science even backs this up! A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that after a period of separation, individuals reported greater self-awareness and a stronger sense of identity. Recent studies, conducted by psychologists at Harvard and Stanford, have shown that periods of separation from toxic environments or relationships can lead to significant improvements in mental health and overall well-being. Neuroscientists have even found that separation triggers neural pathways associated with resilience and emotional regulation.
Maria Erving, a transformational teacher and life coach, in an article about Spiritual Awakening and Aloneness talks about how solitude and aloneness is part of the path of one’s awakening. I totally agree with her that in the place of aloneness is where you begin to grow and evolve. Maria’s work on this topic is phenomenal, and I hope to be able to have her on the podcast in the very near future. I will put a link to her website in the show notes of this episode.
Let’s expand on the benefits of separation.
Separation gives us the gift of pause in the messiness of life.
Sometimes, we get so caught up in the day-to-day of life that we lose sight of ourselves. Separation can be a gift of a pause button. It allows you to step back, take a breath, and see things from a fresh perspective.
This time apart can be a powerful space for introspection and self-discovery.
The Gift of pause is an opportunity to think about and answer the questions that give us direction and stability in our lives. For example:
- What are your needs?
- What are your values?
- Are you truly happy?
Another benefit of separation is the opportunity to learn about yourself. When you're no longer tethered to someone or something else, you have the freedom to explore your own interests, passions, and values. Take this time to reconnect with yourself and rediscover what makes you unique.
Relationships can be complicated. We hurt each other, and sometimes, we hurt ourselves. Separation creates space for forgiveness and healing. This might mean forgiving yourself for past mistakes or forgiving people who have hurt you.
Separation gives you the chance to ask yourself:
- What resentments are you holding onto?
- What mistakes have you made?
By acknowledging these things, you release the weight of resentment and bitterness, and you create space for healing to take place, allowing you to move forward with greater peace and clarity.
Now, think of your body and mind as a temple. Sometimes, that temple needs some serious TLC. Separation gives you the time you need to focus on your well-being.
· What self-care practices have you neglected?
- How can you nourish your body and soul?
Prioritize activities that make you feel good, from exercise and healthy eating to spending time in nature or connecting with friends.
Finally, separation can be an opportunity to activate your shield of faith. Whether you find solace in religion, spirituality, or simply a belief in yourself, faith can be a powerful tool for navigating challenging times. Separation provides an opportunity for you to strengthen your inner core.
· What gives your life meaning?
- What core values do you hold onto?
Leaning on your faith can provide strength, hope, and guidance during challenging times. Separating yourself can help you find the strength and resilience that is within you to overcome obstacles so that you can come out stronger on the other side.
Messy Can’t Sop Her has interviewed various women who experienced the transformation that is in separation. For example, Tiphany Kane, the award winning podcast coach and Dr. Pallavi Gowda, accomplished Rotarian and medical practitioner. I will put links to their episodes in the shownotes.
Their stories remind us that we're not alone in our struggles and that there is hope on the other side of adversity.
Before we wrap up, I want to share a few practical tips for anyone considering separation as a means of personal growth:
Seek guidance, Embrace opportunities for the learning and transformation that comes from separation, Surround yourself with people who can offer encouragement and most importantly, be kind to yourself by practicing self-care. This is a journey of self-discovery and growth. Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being during this transitional period.
Now what if you are able to spend some time in separation in a location carefully chosen to relax your body and mind, and also soothe your soul? What if you could get the guidance of coaches with lived experience while surrounded by a community of support and encouragement? What if all these were possible in the very near future?
Well, it is possible.
if you are ready to truly prioritize your healing and self-discovery, then consider joining us for the exclusive Healing the Heart Retreat taking place from May 13 – 17 in Tobago! This immersive experience combines relaxation with expert guidance on forgiveness, self-love, and rebuilding your inner strength. Imagine basking on pristine beaches while working with coaches to let go of the past and embrace your future. Messy Can’t Stop Her listeners get a $500 discount. Yes $500! So, head over to the website linked in the show notes to get the details and secure your spot!
Separation is not always easy, but it can be a pathway to rediscovering your strength, reclaiming your joy, and embracing your true self. I hope to see you in Tobago as we embark on the journey to growth and empowerment!
Meanwhile, stay resilient, and don't be afraid to choose separation for your transformation. When you do this, messy can’t stop you. Thank you so much for listening, see you next time!