The second episode in the "Your Role in Ending Femicide," series delves into the critical topic of offering practical support and help to women in abusive situations. Discover six powerful ways you can make a difference and empower survivors as we navigate the complexities of ending femicide.
By the end of this episode, you will get actionable steps and insights that will inspire you to take an active role in empowering a woman facing abuse in your personal or professional community.
References in this episode
Your Role in Ending Femicide: Creating a Safe Space for Women in Abusive Situations
Bracing the Broken: Me, You, the Church and Domestic Violence
Messy Can’t Stop Her self-care series (April 13 – June 7, 2023 episodes)
Join the Messy Can't Stop Her Sisterhood at https://www.facebook.com/groups/3204395256540448/
If you would love to share your story on the #MessyCantStopHer podcast, click here to let me know.
Thank you so much for listening.
Music Credit: https://indiefy.me/wanted-carter
The second episode in the "Your Role in Ending Femicide," series delves into the critical topic of offering practical support and help to women in abusive situations. Discover six powerful ways you can make a difference and empower survivors as we navigate the complexities of ending femicide.
By the end of this episode, you will get actionable steps and insights that will inspire you to take an active role in empowering a woman facing abuse in your personal or professional community.
References in this episode
Your Role in Ending Femicide: Creating a Safe Space for Women in Abusive Situations
Bracing the Broken: Me, You, the Church and Domestic Violence
Messy Can’t Stop Her self-care series (April 13 – June 7, 2023 episodes)
Join the Messy Can't Stop Her Sisterhood at https://www.facebook.com/groups/3204395256540448/
If you would love to share your story on the #MessyCantStopHer podcast, click here to let me know.
Thank you so much for listening.
Music Credit: https://indiefy.me/wanted-carter
Domestic violence is a matter of life and death, many times psychological or mental death where the victim starts to merely exist. This part of it is hardly ever viewed with the same kind of intense concern as physical death.
Last week we paused our self-care series to start this short series on Your Role in Ending Femicide. This is because the week before, we lost a member of the Black community in Windsor-Essex, my hometown in Canada.
When things like this happen, the first question for many is “Why did she not leave?” Last week, we delved into the reasons, the top one being fear in various aspects. We also discussed the importance of creating safe spaces for women in abusive situations. I’ll put a link to last week’s episode in the show notes of this episode.
In today's episode, we'll explore step two in the series - offering support and practical help. So, let’s dive into it.
Domestic violence is a pervasive issue that demands collective effort. By providing support and practical assistance, we empower survivors to reclaim their lives. We can do this in many ways. Let’s look at:
Offering support and practical help to someone experiencing domestic violence or in an abusive relationship is crucial. Here are some ways each of us can provide assistance to a neighbour, colleague, friend, family or community member going through abuse:
1. Show empathy: Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand their perspective and the challenges they are facing. Use phrases like, "I can imagine how difficult that must be for you" or "I would feel the same way if I were in your shoes."
2. Suspend personal biases: Recognize your own biases and prejudices and consciously set them aside. Approach the conversation with an open mind and a willingness to learn.
3. Refrain from jumping to conclusions or making assumptions: Recognize that everyone's experiences and perspectives are unique, and it's important to gather all the information before forming an opinion.
4. Cultivate a non-judgmental mindset: Remind yourself that your role is to listen and support, not to judge. Focus on understanding and offering empathy rather than evaluating or critiquing the person's choices or actions.
5. Ask open-ended questions: Encourage the person to share more by asking open-ended questions that allow for deeper exploration of their thoughts and feelings. This can help them feel heard and understood.
Remember, listening without judgment requires patience, compassion, and a genuine desire to understand others. By creating a safe and non-judgmental space, you can foster open and honest communication that allows for growth and connection.
1. Acknowledge their emotions: Begin by acknowledging the person's feelings and letting them know that you understand what they are experiencing. Use phrases such as "I can see that you're feeling..." or "It sounds like you're really..." to demonstrate that you recognize their emotions.
2. Reflect back their feelings: Paraphrase or summarize the person's feelings to confirm your understanding. For example, you could say, "It seems like you're feeling frustrated because..." or "I hear you saying that you're really excited about..."
3. Validate their experience: Let the person know that their feelings are valid and understandable given their circumstances. Avoid dismissing or minimizing their emotions. Use statements like, "It's completely understandable to feel that way in this situation" or "Your feelings are valid, and it's okay to be upset."
4. Validate without solving: It's important to validate their feelings without immediately jumping into problem-solving mode. Sometimes, people simply need their emotions acknowledged and validated before seeking solutions or advice.
Remember, validation is about empathetically acknowledging and accepting someone's feelings, even if you may not fully understand or agree with them. Validating their emotions can help create trust, strengthen the connection, and provide them with the comfort they need during challenging times.
Here are some ways to effectively respect someone's decisions:
1. Practice non-judgment: Avoid judging or criticizing their choices, even if you disagree with them. Recognize that everyone has the right to make decisions based on their own values, experiences, and circumstances.
2. Listen without imposing: Practice active listening and refrain from imposing your own opinions or desires onto the person. Allow them to express their thoughts, concerns, and preferences without feeling pressured to conform to your expectations.
3. Validate their decision-making process: Acknowledge the person's ability to make decisions for themselves and validate the thought and consideration they put into their choices. Recognize their capacity to understand their own needs and circumstances.
4. Maintain boundaries: Respect boundaries and personal space. Avoid crossing their boundaries or trying to control their decisions. Remember that it is their life, and they have the right to decide what is best for themselves.
Remember, respecting someone's decisions doesn't mean you have to agree with or condone their choices. It's about recognizing their autonomy and honoring their right to self-determination. By showing respect, you can maintain positive and healthy relationships while allowing individuals to navigate their own paths.
1. Ask for permission: Before sharing resources, ask the person if they are open to receiving information or assistance. Respecting their autonomy is crucial, and it ensures that they are ready and willing to explore available resources.
2. Provide a range of options: Offer a variety of resources that may be relevant to their situation. This could include helplines, support groups, counseling services, shelters, legal aid, or community organizations. This also includes online communities where they can connect with others who have experienced similar situations. Sharing experiences with peers can be empowering and provide a sense of solidarity. Providing a range of options allows them to choose what best suits their needs.
3. Explain the purpose and benefits: When sharing a particular resource, briefly explain its purpose and the benefits it can offer. Highlight how it may align with their needs or goals, emphasizing the support, guidance, or services they can access through that resource.
4. Share contact information: Provide the relevant contact details for each resource, including phone numbers, websites, and any other necessary information. Ensure the information is accurate and up to date to facilitate easy access to the resources.
5. Offer to assist in accessing resources: If appropriate and if the person is comfortable with it, offer to help them navigate the process of accessing the resources. This could involve helping them navigate financial resources, making phone calls, providing transportation, or accompanying them to appointments, depending on their comfort level and needs.
6. Follow up and check-in: After providing information about resources, follow up with the person to see if they were able to access the support they needed. Express your ongoing support and let them know that you are available if they have any further questions or require additional assistance.
Remember, everyone's situation is unique, and the resources that may be helpful can vary. By offering information about resources in a respectful and supportive manner, you can empower individuals to explore the options available to them and access the support they need.
Safety planning is a crucial aspect of supporting someone in an abusive situation. Here are some ways to help with safety planning:
1. Assess immediate danger: Help the person assess the level of danger they are facing. Discuss warning signs of escalating violence and establish a plan for different scenarios, including escape routes and safe places to go.
2. Develop a safety plan: Work together to develop a personalized safety plan that addresses their specific needs and concerns. This plan may include steps to take during an incident, emergency contact information, and strategies for staying safe. gathering essential documents and belongings.
3. Develop a code word or signal: Create a secret code word or signal that the person can use to communicate when they are in immediate danger or need help. Make sure they share this with trusted individuals who can respond accordingly.
4. Document evidence: Encourage the person to document incidents of abuse, including dates, times, and descriptions of each occurrence. This evidence can be useful in legal proceedings or when seeking support from authorities.
5. Encourage professional help: Suggest seeking support from professionals who specialize in domestic violence, such as counselors, therapists, or advocates. They can provide expert guidance and assistance in safety planning.
6. Respect their choices: Ultimately, safety planning is about empowering the person to make their own decisions. Respect their choices, even if you may not fully understand or agree with them. Offer support and reassurance throughout the process.
7. Regularly review and update the plan: Safety plans should be dynamic and adaptable. Regularly check in with the person to review and update the plan based on their changing circumstances and needs.
Remember, safety planning should be done in collaboration with professionals and individuals who have expertise in domestic violence. Encourage the person to seek guidance from these professionals to ensure a comprehensive and effective safety plan.
1. Normalize self-care: Encourage them to prioritize their well-being and acknowledge that their needs are important and deserve attention. Help the person understand that taking care of themselves is not selfish but necessary for their well-being. Normalize the idea that self-care is an essential part of maintaining physical, emotional, and mental health.
2. Provide resources: Share information about self-care techniques and resources that can help them relax, recharge, and nurture themselves. This may include suggestions for activities such as mindfulness exercises, journaling, breathing exercises, or engaging in hobbies they enjoy.
3. Encourage boundaries: Help the person establish and communicate clear boundaries to protect their time, energy, and emotional well-being. Support them in setting limits with others and in creating a safe and nurturing space for themselves.
4. Assist with practical tasks to alleviate their workload, allowing them more time and energy for self-care. This could involve helping with household chores, assisting with childcare, offering a place to stay temporarily, or connecting them with resources that can assist with their specific needs. Be sensitive to their needs and offer assistance within your means.
5. Promote self-compassion: Encourage the person to be kind to themselves and practice self-compassion. Remind them that they deserve care, understanding, and forgiveness for any perceived shortcomings or mistakes.
6. Celebrate small victories: Acknowledge and celebrate the person's efforts in practicing self-care, no matter how small they may seem. Recognize their resilience and commitment to their well-being.
7. Encourage professional help: If needed, suggest seeking support from professionals, such as therapists or counselors, who can provide guidance and tools for self-care. Encourage them to explore therapy or counseling options that align with their needs and preferences.
Remember, self-care looks different for everyone. Encourage the person to find what works best for them and to prioritize activities that nourish their mind, body, and soul. By supporting their self-care journey, you can help them build resilience and regain a sense of control and well-being in their lives.
Remember, it is essential to prioritize the survivor's safety and well-being above all else. If you believe they are in immediate danger or at risk of harm, encourage them to contact local emergency services or domestic violence hotlines.
Thank you for joining us on this episode of "Messy Can't Stop Her." We hope you found valuable insights on offering support and practical help to survivors of abuse. Next week, we’ll be delving into how educating ourselves and others can help us empower women in these situations.
Remember, your actions can make a significant impact. Let's stand together and be part of the solution to end femicide. When we do this, messy won’t stop us. Thank you so much for listening. See you next time.