Welcome to this episode of Messy Can’t Stop Her. I am your host – Judith Kambia Obatusa – JKO. Today is the last episode in our 4-part series on our role in ending femicide. Femicide is the killing of a woman or a girl by a man, most times by her intimate partner. In this special episode, we will explore the importance of staying in touch with someone who is experiencing domestic violence or is in an abusive relationship. We will also discuss how our individual actions can contribute to creating a world where women are safe, respected, and empowered. Throughout the episode, we will draw insights from the experiences shared by me and some of the women who have inspired me on the "Messy Can't Stop Her" podcast, complemented by relevant research, data, and quotes from experts.
Today’s episode has been divided into two segments: 1, staying in touch with survivors and 2, Empowering Survivors and Creating Change. Now let’s get into it.
Segment 1: Staying in Touch with Survivors
In this segment, we will explore 4 different ideas - Emotional Support, Validation and Encouragement, Safety Check-ins and Confidential Communication
Emotional Support: Regular communication with the survivor helps them feel valued, cared for, and less isolated. Social support has been found to play a crucial role in reducing the negative psychological effects of domestic violence. Dr. Lisa Aronson Fontes, a leading expert in the field of domestic violence, emphasizes the significance of emotional support, stating, "Feeling cared for and supported is vital for survivors of abuse to regain a sense of self and rebuild their lives".
Validation and Encouragement: Staying in touch allows you to validate the survivor's experiences and assure them that they are not alone. This validation is essential as it helps counter the gaslighting and manipulation often experienced by survivors of abuse. Lundy Bancroft, an expert on abusive relationships, emphasizes the importance of validation in her book “Why does he do that?”. According to Lundy, "Validating someone's experiences is a powerful way to counteract the psychological damage caused by an abusive partner".
Safety Check-ins: Regular contact provides an opportunity to check on the survivor's safety and well-being. These check-ins involve asking about any recent incidents or changes in the survivor's situation. Such information helps assess the level of risk and determine if additional support or intervention is necessary. The National Domestic Violence Hotline also emphasizes the importance of safety planning and conducting safety check-ins.
Confidential Communication: Maintaining regular contact ensures ongoing trust and confidentiality. Survivors may hesitate to share their experiences due to fears of judgment or their story being shared without permission. Dr. Evan Stark, a renowned researcher and advocate in the field of domestic violence, emphasizes the significance of confidentiality, stating, "Survivors need to know that their privacy is respected and that they can speak freely without fear of repercussions".
Now, let’s get into segment 2.
Segment 2: Empowering Survivors and Creating Change
In this segment, we will explore 5 concepts that help women in abusive situations on their journey to empowerment.
Sharing Information and Resources: Staying in touch allows you to share important information and resources related to domestic violence. This can include helpline numbers, local support services, or legal resources. Providing survivors with access to such information empowers them to seek help when they are ready. Providing survivors with access to such information can be crucial in their journey towards safety and healing.
Documentation and Evidence: Keeping a record of conversations and incidents shared by the survivor can be helpful if they choose to seek legal or protective measures in the future. However, it is crucial to prioritize the survivor's consent and privacy when maintaining any records. Dr. Jacquelyn Campbell, a leading expert on intimate partner violence, advises, "If the survivor decides to pursue legal action, documented evidence can be invaluable in supporting their case and increasing their chances of obtaining protection".
Planning for Safety and Support: Regular contact provides an opportunity to discuss safety planning and explore available options. By strategizing and creating plans for the survivor's well-being, including identifying safe places, resources, and emergency contacts, you can help them regain control over their lives. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence emphasizes the importance of safety planning as a critical component of survivor empowerment.
Building Trust and Empowerment: Consistent and supportive communication helps build trust over time. It reinforces the survivor's belief that they are deserving of respect, care, and support. Dr. Sarah Buel, a clinical professor at the Arizona State University School of Law, emphasizes the significance of building trust, stating, "Trust is a cornerstone in the survivor's journey towards healing and independence". Regular contact can provide a sense of hope and empowerment as survivors navigate their path to safety and healing.
Referral to Additional Support: Through regular contact, you can identify when additional support may be beneficial for the survivor. This can include referring them to professional services such as therapists, counselors, support groups, or legal advocates who specialize in assisting survivors of domestic violence.
In conclusion, staying in touch with someone experiencing domestic violence or in an abusive relationship can provide vital support and reassurance. By offering emotional support, validation, safety check-ins, and confidential communication, we can create a lifeline for survivors, as evidenced by the experiences shared. Sharing information and resources, documenting incidents (with consent), planning for safety, and building trust and empowerment are essential steps in assisting survivors on their journey towards healing. Referring them to additional support ensures they receive specialized assistance. By prioritizing the survivor's safety, respecting their boundaries, and encouraging them to seek professional resources, we can contribute to creating a world where women are safe, respected, and empowered.